


The Happiest Season

by SadaVeniren



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, American AU, Angst, Based on Happiest Season, Christmas, Coming Out, Falling In Love, Family Drama, First Time, First Time Bottoming, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Meet-Cute, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:22:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 37,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27822214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadaVeniren/pseuds/SadaVeniren
Summary: “You’re going to spend Christmas -and your birthday- with his homophobic WASP parents? That’s gonna be hell.”Louis closed his eyes in frustration. “It was either that or be apart and I don’t think that’s gonna be good for either of us this year, you know?”A fic loosely based on Happiest Season but make it ... different
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 362
Kudos: 577





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another year, another advent fic! You know the drill, new day new chapter. Some chapters will be short, some will be long.
> 
> I literally decided to write this specific fic last Friday so we're all learning stuff as it goes. If you haven't seen Happiest Season... honestly it's okay. I saw it when it came out and was like "this would be a great fic except you know.. all the things I would want to change."
> 
> This fic is going to probably end up being heavier than people might want for a Christmas fic and I'm sorry in advance for that. There will be mentions of homophobia, a coming out journey, and dealing with the death of a parent. I promise there will be a happy ending.

The lights at the club were pulsing in time with the music, green and red and white while “All I Want For Christmas” played. Louis could tell the DJ was having fun. He finished the last of his drink- vodka and redbull because if he was going to get fucked he was going to get _fucked_ \- and headed back towards the bar for a refill. The bar was crowded and Louis had to shove his way through the mass of men.

When he finally found a clearing at the bar itself it was next to a fresh faced looking boy who had a mop of curly brown hair that he seemed to be using to hide himself, the same way he was hunched over. A shy one, Louis pegged him as. Already on the very happy side of tipsy he elbowed the boy until he got him to look at him, and then he gave him a winning smile. 

“You’re cute,” Louis said. “Never seen you around here. Are you new?”

The boy flushed, ducking his head. Definitely shy. “There’s like 200 people in this place, you can’t know them all.”

“It’s a _line_ , Curly. I’m trying to pick you up.” Louis got the bartender’s attention and he pointed to his glass. “Another! And a drink for my new friend.”

The bartender raised an eyebrow at the boy and he just pointed to Louis’ glass. “Whatever he’s having I guess.”

Louis cackled as the bartender turned away to make their drinks. “You’re supposed to tell me your name.”

A smile crept on his face. “Am I? Shouldn’t you tell me yours first?”

The bartender put their drinks down and made a shooing motion to have them leave the bar so others could come up. Louis raised his glass. “I’m Louis.”

“Harry,” the boy said. Louis took a long drink and he couldn’t help but smirk at the face Harry made. “That’s disgusting. How do you drink that?”

Louis laughed. “With ease.” He finished off his drink and took Harry’s. “Come dance with me.”

Harry, it turned out, could dance for a shy one. Or at the very least, he knew how to stay still enough to allow Louis to dance against him. It was fun, and from the way Harry wasn’t pulling away from him he had a feeling Harry was having fun too.

Well that and he was hard. Louis could feel it against himself every time he pushed his hips back and it teased him. As the song changed Louis turned and wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck, pressing their hips together at just the right angle to make their cocks line up.

“First time?” Louis asked, because he may be drunk but he was pretty sure he had Harry figured out.

“What?” Harry asked. His face was cute when he was confused.

“At a gay bar. Is this your first time?”

Harry fumbled with his words but eventually shook his head. “No, I’ve been here a few times. Not this one. Others. But I’m new, yeah. Like you thought.”

“Do you enjoy yourself?”

Harry nodded. “It’s freeing you know?”

Did Louis ever. It’s why he was here. Here with the music meant he didn’t have to think about anything else. Definitely not about the shit going on in his life. He’d like to continue that.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” Louis asked.

“What?”

“There’s a diner down the street. We can get food.”

Harry blinked at him and Louis felt his hips pull away. “You know all the other guys who have thrown themselves on me have just taken me to the bathroom for a handjob.”

Louis’ laugh was unexpected. “How many guys is that?”

“Every time I come to a club.”

“Well I wanna try something different. Let’s go.”

***

It was cold outside but not enough to cut through the haze Louis was feeling as he walked down the street gripping Harry’s hand. They’d grabbed their coats: Harry a fancy looking one whereas Louis was wearing his beat up bomber jacket. Conversation as they left the club was going as well as it could with one of them drunk and constantly distracted by the bright lights that hung up on the street lamps.

“Are you excited for Christmas?” Harry asked.

Louis laughed, pulling his eyes away from the Christmas tree light cutouts. “Nah. Not in the slightest. I’m gonna be blackout drunk most of it, I think.”

Harry frowned. “Well that’s no good.”

“It is what it is.” They fell into silence as they continued to walk and Louis swayed a bit. Even drunk he could tell things were getting weird, and he didn’t want that to happen. “My mom died earlier this month and today’s my birthday.” He frowned. “Tomorrow’s my birthday?” It took him a moment to realize that he’d lost Harry’s hand because Harry had stopped and he paused as well. “The diner is still another two blocks up.”

Harry was rubbing his face. “I didn’t- I mean. Happy birthday? And I’m sorry?”

Louis waved him off but he felt that grief starting to climb up in his throat. “I knew it was coming. I mean- not for _long_ , just the start of this year, but like. Fuck cancer. You know?”

“Yeah for sure,” Harry took another step closer to him and put a hand on his elbow. “You still want to go to the diner? Or should I get you an uber?”

Harry was looking him in the eye and Louis couldn’t help but think his eyes were absolutely captivating. Like some sort of green knight in shining green armor. So beautiful that it made his stomach lurch--

Nope that was the alcohol not sitting well in his empty stomach.

“Louis?” Harry asked, right as Louis took a step back in the hopes he’d avoid throwing up on the poor stranger.

The vomit burned coming up and Louis distantly heard Harry swear as hands wrapped around him, helping him stay standing. Harry’s body weight was warm and comforting against his side, soaking through his jacket and deep into Louis’ skin.

The waves of sick hit him three more times and he felt weak afterwards, his mouth tasting like bile and the cinnamon whiskey he’d had to start the night. Harry was still there, rubbing his back, muttering nonsense comfort words.

“Fuck,” Louis whispered. “That sucked.” A headache was starting to form behind his eyes and Louis wanted to curl up and cry all of a sudden. He fucking hated everything.

“Hey, hey,” Harry’s low voice whispered against his temple as he pulled him upright. “Let’s get you some water and crackers or something.”

Louis shook his head. “Don’t wanna go to the diner anymore. Just wanna go home.”

“I didn’t say anything about the diner. I figure we’ll just pop into the Walgreens right up here and then I’ll get you that uber.” Louis tried to continue shaking his head but Harry was already pulling him along on unsteady feet. “Trust me you’ll feel better.”

Louis wasn’t strong enough to fight Harry, and he let himself be guided up the block into the Walgreens. He watched, feeling sick and weak, as Harry grabbed two bottles of water and then some crackers from the small grocery section. Harry hovered over some sort of protein health bar and then grabbed a couple of those as well, tucking them into his way too large hands before guiding Louis to the self-checkout. He bagged everything up except the water and took Louis back outside, cracking open the water and handing it to him.

“Drink slowly,” he said as he pulled out his phone. 

Louis watched him as he sipped at the water. It felt good on his burned throat and washed away some of the vomit taste. “What?” He said when he finally put the water down.

“I don’t know your address but I don’t know if you’re cool with me having it.”

Louis groaned and fished around for his own phone in his jacket pocket, pulling it out and fumbling to order an uber. Harry was frowning but it dissipated as Louis turned the phone around to show him that the uber was on the way. “This wasn’t how I planned on the night going,” Louis said. “So sorry about that. I didn’t get anything on you, did I?”

“It would be fine even if you did,” Harry said.

Louis’ nose scrunched up at the same time Harry’s did. “Ew. I hope it wouldn’t.”

“It wouldn’t,” Harry admitted. “I’d be pretty grossed out.” They stood there, waiting for something - Louis’ uber? Another round of vomit? - and then Harry reached over and took his phone. “Here. Lemme give you my number. In case you want to text me at some point.” He put his number in and Louis watched as his phone lit up with a phone call. A car slowed down on the road and Harry turned on the uber app to check the car to who was supposed to pick up Louis. “That’s you,” he said.

He brought Louis over to the car and opened the backdoor, helping Louis in, before handing him the bag. “Drink up okay? And eat those crackers.”

Everything was happening too fast and Louis felt a little dizzy from suddenly being in the car. He took another sip of water and that helped.

“It was nice meeting you,” Harry said. “Happy birthday, Louis. And uh. Merry Christmas?”

Louis groaned and it was a near thing that stopped him from falling over. “Merry Christmas, Harry.”

Harry gave him one last smile before he stepped back and shut the door, giving a couple of taps to the roof as a sort of send off.

_Loser_ , Louis thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Louis was in the process of coming back to life after a shower when he got a text.

_Are you alive?_

The contact said it was Harry with a vomiting emoji next to it and Louis felt his soul leave his body as the events of the night crashed into him. _Again._ He’d made a complete idiot out of himself. He’d hoped the shower would wash it all away but that had rested on the idea that no one would bring it back up. And he hadn’t really thought Harry of all people would text him.

_Wasn’t I supposed to the one to text you?_

Harry’s text came immediately after. Clearly he was unaware of the Rules of Texting. _Well, then I was worried you might have choked on your own vomit, and also you said that today was your birthday and I just figured maybe you wouldn’t want to be alone?_

Harry was apparently not only unaware of the Rules of Texting, but also brave enough to bring up things most people would ignore. It made Louis’ heart pound a little as he texted back.

_That diner is 24 hours, so it should in theory be open at eleven in the morning._

_Can you text me the address?_

Yeah. Louis could do that.

***

“You know, I don’t normally expect to get texts from guys I threw up on,” Louis said, aiming for casual as he took the seat across from Harry.

Harry nudged the menu towards him. “Good thing you didn’t throw up on me then isn’t it?”

Here in the diner, sober, they seemed more on level ground. Harry looked more relaxed, not tucked in on himself. It could be because the diner was almost empty barring the waitress and an elderly man seated four tables away from them. Louis knew there were people like that, who were more comfortable one on one, as opposed to him who preferred to lose himself in the anonymity of a crowd.

“Yeah, a good thing,” he said. “So. Have you ever been here before?”

Harry laughed. “Not this diner no, but I have been to diners before.” There was a moment of silence as they both looked through their menus - Louis was pretty sure it was just to wait for the next beat of the conversation because they were at a diner for fuck’s sake. There was a million things in the menu but they had to both know what they were getting already. “I may be _new_ but I know what I like.”

Louis looked up and arched an eyebrow. Harry arched one back in response and they shared a smile. Louis coughed. “So did you just move here?”

“Yeah, in September. I got a new job sooo,” Harry drawled the word out. “I got to move away from home.”

“Big fancy new job in a big fancy new city. What’s the job?”

“Political research firm.”

Louis nodded, trying to look impressed. “A man of the people. Or are you a man against the people?”

Harry took it good naturedly, laughing. “I’m just starting there, and we take whoever is willing to pay so… sadly against the people right now. But I’m using the experience to build up some clients in the hopes of starting my own business as a consultant for local governments.”

“I see, I see.”

“What about you?”

Louis suddenly felt shy in a way he didn’t normally feel with hookups. But then again, this wasn’t exactly a normal hookup. “I’m director at a lgbt non-profit, which is a fancy way to say I keep the lights on at a youth center.”

Harry leaned forward. “For gay kids?”

Louis smiled. “Yeah. It’s like a mix of an after school program and a crash pad when someone gets kicked out. We only have five beds at a time, and sadly they’re usually full.” He was proud of his work, even though it sometimes got draining, feeling like a losing battle.

“That’s incredible.”

“Thanks.”

The conversation drifted into shared interests as they finally ordered. Harry was funny and smart, and he asked for a smiley face on his chocolate chip pancakes so that way the pancakes could sing Louis “Happy Birthday” because he was also apparently an absolute idiot. At the end of their maybe-possibly-date Louis had realized that he’d been able to breathe for the first time since his mom had died earlier that month because Harry had done such a good job of focusing his mind elsewhere.


	3. Chapter 3

“Knock knock motherfucker. We’re here to get you ready for the party of your life.”

Louis rolled his eyes as his two best friends just walked into his locked apartment. He never should have given Niall a key…. Wait.

“When did you get a key?” Louis asked as Niall dropped onto his couch. Niall, like always, didn’t seem to want to answer him, and so Louis looked at Zayn for answers.

“Don’t look at me, he’s been left unsupervised for the last month.”

“How was that by the way?” Louis asked. “Visiting back home?”

“Baller as hell,” Niall said as he made some sort of hand sign with his fingers.

Louis and Zayn traded a look.

“Never do that again,” Zayn said. He took a step closer to Louis and wrapped his arms around him. “How are you doing? Mom said she understands why you couldn’t come but remember that you’re always welcome.”

“I was fine,” Louis said, returning the hug. “Got drunk. Went to Gothic. Drank some more. Hit on some guy. Tried to take him home. Threw up on him. Went to lunch with him the next day. Been texting him ever since. Nothing much.”

“I’m sorry what?” Niall interrupted.

“ _Louis_ ,” Zayn said. “Throwing up on people is early twenties level of drunk, what the fuck.”

“In my defense… I’m in mourning.” Zayn did not seem to find it as humorous as Louis was trying to make it seem and Louis sighed. “Anyway, Harry will be meeting us tonight.”

“Harry vomit boy?” Niall asked.

“Yes Harry is vomit boy. And I’d tell you not to call him that but that’s what he put his name as in my phone…” Louis shrugged.

“Classy. I’ve decided I like him.”

“I’m sure he’ll be so pleased,” Louis said.

“And hey! Who knows! Maybe he’ll be more interested in me than you.”

“Aren’t you straight?”

Niall rolled his eyes as he flipped him off and stood up. “Bisexual you asshole. And I’ll prove it by fucking your new boytoy tonight.”

“Don’t even try it,” Louis said as he followed Niall out of his apartment, locking up behind Zayn.

“Niall, it’s not nice to sleep with your friend’s comfort fucks.”

Louis found himself wrapped up in Niall’s arms and he sighed, leaning into the second embrace of the day. “You doing alright?”

Louis closed his eyes. “Yeah. It sucked but I survived. And now Harry’s been distracting me so that’s been nice.”

Niall gave him a squeeze in response before the three of them headed out. It was cold outside, and Louis shoved his hands in his pockets to try and stay warm. He knew once he got to the club it would warm up, but getting there was half the problem. Niall and Zayn filled the air with talking about their holidays and it was nice to hear something so normal. He hated being handled like glass.

The line to get into the club wasn’t that long and they joined the other guys, Louis on the lookout for Harry and his expensive fucking jacket that he’d been wearing last time.

“Looking for vomit boy?” Niall asked, craning his head in the same direction as Louis as if he could help.

“Yeah he said he was here,” Louis said. He risked the cold taking his phone out of his pocket to check it again.

“That him?” Zayn asked and Louis looked up to see Harry coming towards them, one hand raised in greeting.

“Hey, Louis.”

Louis couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face. “Harry! You haven’t been out here in the cold long have you?”

Harry shrugged and looked at Zayn and Niall. “Friends?”

“Friends,” Louis agreed. “Harry, friends. Friends, Harry.”

More formal introductions were passed around as they moved up the line, and then they were inside, where it was too loud to really continue having conversations. Niall - the charismatic asshole he was - somehow found them a table to put their coats at, and then Zayn took drink orders before weaving his way over to the bar. They were well oiled machines, brought about from years of practice.

Someone was handing out stupid light up 2020 glasses and flower necklaces and of course Louis made sure to grab enough for the table because he was a _good friend_. Harry, at least, seemed to find them funny, allowing Louis to layer him up with the flower necklaces until Zayn and Niall returned.

From there it was a quick toast with their drinks before Louis was dragging Harry out into the dancing crowd. He had remembered Harry being a decent person to dance against last time, but tonight Harry seemed a bit looser, more comfortable in himself. He put his hands on Louis’ hips and helped guide Louis to the beat of the music, turning him around so his back was flush against Harry’s chest.

“You’re better at this than I remember,” Louis said, pitching his voice loud enough that Harry would be able to hear him. 

“I know you’re a sure thing this time,” Harry said, mouth pressed right against Louis’ ear. Louis shivered and his cock twitched as Harry started to press kisses down his neck, slowing their pace down so he could enjoy himself.

He tangled his hands on Harry’s curls, tilting his head to give Harry all the access he wanted. His neck was sensitive and Harry was good enough at reading his body language that he picked up on it if the way he kept laving it with attention said anything.

Louis moaned as he felt Harry’s hands trail up his sides, holding him close. It was exciting, and he could feel just how excited Harry was in response, if the thick cock pressing against him was anything to go by. 

Louis was pretty confident he knew where this was going. He rolled his hips back and he shuddered when he felt Harry moan against his neck. He’d probably have a hickey the size of his shoulder by the time Harry let go of his neck. 

That was okay.

He moved to the best of the music, enjoying how hard Harry was. He knew that soon one of them would break and drag them both off to somewhere more private. It was a small game at this point for Louis about who would break first.

Louis had a feeling it might be him. That was okay.

He turned his head, breaking Harry’s seal on his neck, and went in for a kiss.

Harry tasted like the shot they had all done and Louis found it addictive. He licked into Harry’s mouth, not caring that they were slowing down in the middle of a rambunctious, drunk, crowd. Harry spun him around so they were facing each other, and it allowed the kiss to get deeper. Louis cupped his cheeks, sighing in pleasure. The week long wait had been worth it.

“Excuse me, cutting in,” Niall’s sharp voice said, breaking them up. “Dancing with my best friend. I’ll return him in a moment.”

Louis wanted to protest, and he could see Harry was just as confused, but Zayn was also there, trying to pull Harry’s attention to him while Niall dragged Louis a couple feet away.

“What the fuck, Horan?” Louis demanded, his voice drowning out in the crowd.

“Friends don’t let friends make self destructive choices so I’m checking in on you to make sure you’re okay before letting you fuck this guy.”

Louis threw his head back. “ _Niall_! I’m thirty. I know what I’m doing.”

Niall didn’t look impressed. “I’m looking out for you.” He wrapped his arms around Louis and gave him a hug, but then stepped back a moment later. “Ew. That was your dick.”

“Yes!” Louis shrieked before he slapped Niall on the shoulder and made his way back to Harry, who was standing there next to Zayn looking confused. “Come on, Curly,” he yelled in his ear. “Let’s go somewhere a bit more private.”

Harry followed him, their hands clasped together. The bathroom wasn’t crowded just yet, and one of the stalls was empty so Louis was able to crowd Harry back into the stall and shut the door. It was quieter in the bathroom and so Louis heard Harry say his name before he surged forward for another kiss.

“Wanna suck you off,” he muttered against Harry’s lips.

Harry was nodding and when Louis pulled back he could see his eyes were wide. That was all Louis needed to drop to his knees, hands fumbling with Harry’s fly. Harry helped and together they got his pants shoved down to his thighs.

Louis took a moment to just enjoy how Harry looked, leaning against the bathroom stall, his dick pressing against the fabric of his boxers. 

“Ready?” He asked with a teasing wink. 

Harry still had that star struck look as he nodded. He tangled his hand in Louis’ hair when Louis leaned forward and fished his dick out of the folds of his boxer.

“I-” Harry started to say but then Louis had his lips wrapped around his cock and the sound choked off.

Harry was heavy on his tongue and Louis hollowed his cheeks like the fucking pro he was. It made Harry cling to him as he thrust his hips forward. Almost as if he was chasing the warmth of Louis’ mouth.

Louis took pity on him, a fleeting thought if this was Harry’s first blowjob, and put his fingers around the base of Harry’s cock to cover the parts his lips wouldn’t reach. With Harry trying to guide him it was messy with a sloppy rhythm but Harry didn’t seem to mind if the soft sounds he was letting escape were any indication.

And if they weren’t then the way he tasted salty on Louis’ tongue was a true indication.

In almost no time Harry was spilling in his mouth and Louis felt proud of his skills. He swallowed because he was a _professional_ and then he pulled off. Harry seemed unsteady on his feet but he made grabby hands at Louis’ sides, clearly trying to get to his cock to return the favor in some regard.

Louis kissed him instead, pressing his tongue into Harry’s mouth.

“Did you just?” Harry asked as he broke the kiss.

Louis winked at him again. “I’d ask if you enjoyed that but I think that’s a record.” Harry flushed and tried to pull away. Louis refused to let him go. “Hey, hey, I’m not complaining at all. I’m flattered, honestly.”

“Shut up,” Harry muttered, but he at least stopped pulling away, and sunk into Louis’ side instead. “So fucking embarassing.”

“Nah. The great thing about being two dudes is we all remember what it was like, and if we say we don’t, we know we’re just lying.”

“You _are_ very talented.”

Louis beamed as someone knocked on the stall. They both laughed as they left the stall, heading back to their table.

***

Somehow they ended up on the roof of someone’s apartment building - a guy Niall had met while they’d been in the bathroom had invited them to watch the fireworks that would be set off further away. There were more drinks to be shared, but Louis found himself standing next to Harry at the edge of the roof, trying not to shiver too noticeably.

“You excited for the new year? All that it entails?” Harry asked as the fireworks died down, even as the party continued to go on behind them.

“Fuck if I know. Not to get heavy on you or anything but last year sucked and I’m not having high hopes for this coming year.”

“Your mom,” Harry guessed. 

“Found out in February after a routine doctor’s visit. It was all just a matter of how long.” Louis sniffed and Harry wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

“I can’t even begin to imagine. How did… the rest of your family handle it?”

Louis snorted. “No rest of the family. Just me and her.”

“Oh, Louis.”

“I _really_ don’t want your pity.”

They stood there in the cold, Harry’s arms around him. It was comforting, the silence. Louis didn’t usually like silence but he was starting to appreciate it, and he longed for it when Harry started to speak again.

“This year was the first time I missed Christmas with my family. And I’m not going to see them on my birthday in February either. So I sorta get it?”

Louis snorted as he stepped out of the embrace to try and get some distance between them. He understood the feeling Harry was trying to go for though, so he let it go. “That by choice or?”

“I’m not out to them. Or anyone from back home. And ever since moving here I’ve been slowly … living my truth? Is that the phrase?”

“Fuck if I know.”

“Well whatever it is, I’m not totally closeted here. Like there’s a drag bar back home and I’ve never been there, even when it was like ‘oh let’s go after work because it’s kitchy and fun to be around _different_ people’. And the idea of going back kinda terrifies me?” He looked at Louis. “You know what I mean?”

“Not really. I’ve been lucky. My mom knew since I was young.” He looked at his hands, and the way he was fiddling with them. “She was super supportive of me, and I actually got the job at the center because of her. She’d volunteered there.”

“That’s incredible. I can’t even begin to imagine what that would be like. I’m pretty sure my parents would combust if they had to do something like that.”

Louis knew too many stories to try and encourage Harry that it would be okay, that maybe there would be a surprise. He saved that optimism for the kids. He reached over instead and put his hand on top of Harry’s. “You’re brave as fuck, you know.”

Harry looked at him for a moment before letting out one sharp laugh. “Why? Cause I’m refusing to go home to avoid my parents?”

“Cause you’re living your life despite all that. Shit like this is the stuff that gets me late night phone calls and causes some of my staff panic attacks. You’ve acknowledged your reality and you’re going on anyway. That’s incredibly brave. You could still be back home, hiding away, and it would be fine, because it’s safe, and I sure wouldn’t blame you for wanting to be safe.”

That brought a genuine smile to Harry’s face and he turned his hand around so their fingers could intertwined. “Thanks, Louis. I can see you’re very good at your job.”

“I’m very good at ignoring my own pain too. Redirect it onto someone else and you’re golden.”

Harry squeezed his fingers. “No one should expect you to be okay now. Or even expect you to be okay in a couple months. Or a year. It’s something that takes time, but I know you’ll be able to get through it. If nothing else you have two great friends.”

“Three. Three great friends.”

“You calling me your friend?”

“I had my mouth on your dick earlier tonight I sure hope we’re friends.”

Harry laughed and pulled Louis in for a hug. “Yeah, we can be friends.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should specify that this is gonna take place in a world where 2020 did not turn into a shitshow lol

They’d been making out on Louis’ couch for what felt like hours. He hadn’t given much thought to the art of kissing, but Harry made him see the joy in it. There was something nice about the pressure of Harry’s lips, the soft scrap of their stubble rubbing against each other, the feeling of being right next to Harry.

Harry seemed to think so too, because when they broke the latest round of kisses he mumbled, “this is nice.”

Louis chuckled. “Yeah it is.”

He didn’t tack on that it was nice because it was taking it slow for once. He hadn’t gotten the chance to enjoy someone like this since one of his college boyfriends - probably. Everything since then had been more hookup than relationship and this was definitely shaping up to look more like a relationship.

“Do you think we could keep doing it?”

“Of course, babe. I had no intentions of stopping.”

Harry nodded, but he wasn’t looking at Louis. “Do you think we could keep doing it… into tomorrow?”

“Into… tomorrow?”

“Yeah, like me staying the night? Maybe? Since it’s a Friday?” Harry seemed fascinated with the collar of Louis’ shirt. “And tomorrow is my birthday?”

Realization dawned on Louis. “Oh. It is isn’t it? Well that would explain some things.” He made sure his voice was exaggerated with musing because it made Harry look up at him.

“Explain some things?”

“Yeah, like why I was looking up fish recipes all week and why I have salmon steaks in my freezer.”

“You have what?”

“I was originally gonna do chicken, but then I remembered that you had talked to Zayn about being pescatarian and so I decided to go with fish.”

“Wait. Back up.” Harry sat up from where he had been lying down and it allowed Louis to scoot over so he wasn’t falling off the couch anymore. “Were you going to cook for me for my birthday? When were you going to tell me?!”

“Of course I was going to cook for you for your birthday. You said you were going to be by yourself and I know from experience that fucking blows so I wanted to do something nice for you.”

“But. Why?”

“Why did you take me out for lunch on my birthday?”

Louis watched as Harry’s eyes went a little shifty. “I mean. I felt bad for you.” Louis couldn’t help but smack Harry’s arm and he yelped. “But mostly I thought you were cute and I don’t know. I thought maybe it would give us a chance to get to know each other. And… no one should be alone on their birthday.”

“Exactly.” Louis sat up and cupped Harry’s cheeks in his hands. “I think you’re cute. I feel bad for you. And no one should be alone on their birthday.”

Harry’s eyes darted down to his lips. “You forgot one.”

“What?”

“If you were trying to be poetic and copy me, you forgot one. Getting to know each other.”

Louis waggled his eyebrows. “I think at this point we’d need a different definition of getting to know each other.”

“You’re awful.” Harry pulled back as he rolled his eyes.

“Hey, I’m just saying that we’re friends now, so it’s time to get to know each other as more.”

“More?”

“I mean. I personally think I’m too old to use the word boyfriend but… it’s kinda what we are?” Louis realized as Harry looked at him that maybe he had gotten it twisted. Maybe Harry hadn’t been thinking that what they were doing was anything sort of serious. Louis knew that for plenty of guys first coming out of the closet the intention was more to gain experience they had lost. Sure sometimes they’d find someone comfortable, but they weren’t looking for _relationships_.

“Boyfriends. You- I’ve never had a boyfriend.” Harry whispered it as he crossed his arms.

“Well. Now you do. If that’s something you want.”

“It is,” Harry said it quietly but with conviction. “I didn’t want to get my hopes up that you would think that way. I’ve heard how Niall and Zayn and you have talked and I just figured…”

“I wasn’t looking for anything serious?”

“Yeah.”

Louis felt a lump in his throat at what he was about to say next. “My mom always said that’s when you tend to find what you’re looking for.” He saw the way Harry looked at him but he barreled on. “I’m actually a horrible romantic, and when I was younger I was constantly looking for someone to settle down with because like. True love you know? It sounds great. And I never found anyone. And it always knocked me around, and my mom would tell me that it’s because I was looking too hard. I needed to stop, and then someone would stumble into my life.” He made sure he was looking right at Harry, practically piercing into his soul.

“Me.”

“You.”

A small smile started to bloom across Harry’s face. “So. I can stay the night?”

Louis nodded and he opened his arms so Harry could cuddle into him. “I want that more than anything. Stay the night, and then tomorrow I’ll cook you dinner, and then we’ll go do something cheesy romantic for Valentine’s Day.”

Harry froze at his words.

“What’s the matter?”

“Valentine’s Day.”

“Do you not subscribe to it?”

The phrasing must have made Harry loosen up because he laughed. “No it’s not that. I just. This is… but I guess I want to be honest. You know I’m not… experienced.”

“I’m aware yes.” Barring the bathroom blowjob they hadn’t done any more than a few shared handjobs over the last month.

“As in. I’m a virgin.”

“Virginity is just a social construct,” Louis couldn’t help but chirp, his default response from working with teens who were so obsessed with trying to prove themselves. “You are what you are, and it’s okay.”

“Right.” The look Harry gave him told Louis he knew what he was doing and it didn’t impress him. “Well. I’ve wanted to, _obviously_. But I’ve always wanted it to be special. My first time like _actually_ have sex. Penetrative sex. Whatever you want to call it. I love romance movies, as you know, and stupid things like rose petals and it happening on a special day- if I’d had a boyfriend in high school I probably would have given it up on prom night or something. That’s just. How I’ve always thought about it. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“I think so, but try and explain it to me more.”

Harry took a deep breath. “I want my first time to be special, and having it be on Valentine’s Day kind of sounds romantic. And I know we’ve been moving really slow and this probably just sounds so silly to you because it’s not something special-”

“Hey, hey no. If it’s special to you then it’s special! Just because someone else says it’s no big deal doesn’t change it for you. And remember, it’s like you just said, you’re only getting the chance to explore yourself _now_. A straight person would have done all of this, quote, silly stuff when they were a teenager. If you want your first time to be on a special day and however it is made up in your mind all the more power to you.”

“You don’t think I’m being ridiculous?”

“No! And I’m a little flattered and honored you’d want that with me, if I’m being honest.” Louis paused and thought about it. “You _are_ asking me to share your first time with you right?”

Harry nodded. “You’re my boyfriend so yes. If you don’t mind.”

“Harry. It will be _no trouble_ walking you through your first time. It’ll be my pleasure actually.”

Harry blushed as he responded. “I sure hope it’s a pleasure for you.”

“And it’ll be a pleasure for you too, if I have my way.”


	5. Chapter 5

Were the rose petals too much? They were probably too much, but Louis had already spread them out over his comforters as artfully as he could. Harry had asked for romantic after all and Louis wanted to deliver. He’d also hit up the local Yankee Candle and spent way too long sniffing all the candles to find the right mix that he hoped was romantic and not creepy, virginal sacrifice.

All told it was looking pretty nice. Louis had changed his sheets and made sure his bed was made up as nice as he could: all sharp corners with the pillows fluffed up. His mom would be proud that he actually practiced what she knew he could do.

His phone buzzed with Harry texting that he was here, and Louis’ heart did a little flipflop in excitement. The two weeks between Harry asking him to take his virginity and now had been filled with anticipation and general … well joy at what was to come. It had added a new dynamic to Harry spending his birthday weekend with Louis, causing both of their hands to wander more boldly.

Louis hadn’t had that many orgasms in a weekend for many years and that had just been with Harry’s hand. He was excited to see what would happen when he finally got to sit on Harry’s dick.

He opened the door to see Harry standing there with an almost humorously large bouquet of roses in a rainbow of colors: red, pink, yellow, white, orange, and then ones that must have been dyed because they were blue, purple, and green.

“Holy shit,” Louis said, immediately reaching for the vase and shoving his face into one of the roses. He _loved_ roses. He loved rose scented things. One of the candles he’d bought had been rose scented. “Are these for me?”

Harry stepped inside his apartment and leaned in to give him a kiss hello. “I hope so. Do you like them?”

“I _love_ them. I’m a sucker for flowers if I’m completely honest.”

“Oh good,” Harry said as he took off his coat. “I wanted to get you something you’d like, and be a bit romantic.”

“You didn’t need to get me bottoming flowers,” Louis teased.

“Bottoming flowers?”

“Yeah. I enjoy bottoming so I don’t need buttered up to do it.”

Harry froze. “Oh. I had- I was planning on bottoming.”

“ _You_ wanted to bottom?”

“Is that a problem? I mean. I’d like it both ways but for my _very first time_ I always kinda just assumed… yeah. It would be me.”

“Right. Yes. Of course. Well. It’s a good thing I didn’t lube up or anything.”

Harry laughed at that and it seemed to relax him. “Me neither. I mean. I like, cleaned myself. I read you should do that, but I decided that it would probably be uncomfortable getting over here with lube possibly drying and besides. Part of the fun will be the foreplay?”

“Yeah, Babe. Prepping you will be one of the best parts. Now come here and lemme give you another kiss as thanks for the not-bottoming flowers.”

Harry came to him and gave him a quick peck. “Like I said, I just wanted to get you something nice and romantic. I’ve always wanted to buy my boyfriend flowers.”

“Well I love getting flowers. Especially rainbow roses.”

Louis managed to put the vase down by the window that got the most light in his apartment before he turned around and gave Harry his full attention. He could see that he was nervous, clearly anticipating what was to come. Louis knew trying to plan the first time having sex could become a little daunting, but he hadn’t wanted to talk Harry out of it if it was important to him. His job in this moment was to make things as comfortable as possible.

He wrapped his arms around Harry’s shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss. Harry leaned into him, returning the hug at his waist and sighing against his mouth. Louis let the kissing linger before he pulled back enough to whisper, “Let me take you to bed.”

He felt the way Harry shivered in his arms as he led him back towards his bedroom. He kicked the door shut when they got there and was about to have his hands go to the hem of Harry’s shirt when Harry breathed out a soft, “oh, Lou.”

Louis had… possibly forgotten what he had set up in the bedroom.

The flower petals were still across the bed, and the candles weren’t lit yet so he immediately sprang into action, lighting the four candles he’d set up (one in roughly each corner of the room).

“Louis, it’s perfect.”

“Yeah?”

Harry turned to him, smiling. “Yeah. Everything I was picturing.” He leaned down and kissed Louis.

“Good. Ready to get naked?”

That got a giggle out of Harry and seemed to cut the last of the awkwardness that Harry seemed to have. Harry let him undress him and then lay him out on the bed, amongst those damn rose petals that he had to admit looked pretty nice framing around Harry’s body. Louis climbed on top of him, straddling his stomach so he had a good angle to kiss Harry at.

He then moved his way down Harry’s neck, eliciting gasps that he wanted to bottle because _damn_ they would keep him warm at night. Harry’s voice sounded so raw and beautiful when he moaned.

They’d had plenty of makeout sessions in the last couple of weeks, but Louis had been saving some of his foreplay skills for this moment, and he was not disappointed in how Harry gasped the loudest Louis had ever heard when he swiped his tongue over his nipple.

“Fuck,” Harry cursed. “What was that?”

Louis grinned, glancing up at him as he laved his tongue over the nipple again. “Fun. I knew you had to have sensitive nips. Saw them get tight too many times when you were shirtless for them not to be.”

“Can you- can you do that again?”

“Of course,” Louis said, before he got back to it.

He could feel the way Harry’s cock twitched near his bum and he had a moment where he was a little sad he’d been wrong about how tonight had gone. He’d thought sinking down on Harry’s cock would have been an excellent way to celebrate the day, but taking his boy apart like this and then getting to _sink into him_ wasn’t an awful way to go.

He finally left Harry’s nipples alone when he was a shivering, practically sobbing mess underneath him. Louis had a feeling that if he’d kept at it Harry might possibly have come just from the nipple play alone.

“You’re so sensitive,” he marveled as he started to kiss down Harry’s tummy, being careful not to drag anything over his hard, leaking cock.

He spread Harry’s thighs and got his body comfortable between them just as Harry muttered, “you did this to me.”

“And you’re enjoying it.”

Harry nodded quickly. “So much.”

“Good.” Past Louis had been smart, putting the lube on the bed. It made it easy for Louis to grab the bottle and flip the cap open. “Are you ready for this?”

Harry’s eyes were focused on his hands, but Louis was checking his body language, making sure he still seemed interested. His hard cock was definitely still interested. “Yeah. I’ve been practicing.”

_That_ sent a zip right down Louis’ spine and he couldn’t help his own dick twitching. “You have?”

Harry’s mouth must have run away from his brain because Louis saw the way he immediately clammed up. His arms crossed over his chest, and he clenched his thighs as he tried to close them around Louis.

“Hey, hey. The key here is to relax, babe,” Louis said, trying to gently open his legs again.

“But it’s embarrassing.” 

“Is not. It’s hot as fuck, to be perfectly honest. Now tell me more about how you’ve done this to yourself.”

Harry managed to stutter his way through how he had fingered himself the other night thinking about the first blowjob Louis had given him, and it allowed Louis to focus entirely on rubbing the lube on his fingers and then pushing one finger inside Harry’s frankly delicious looking hole.

Louis would save any rimming for Harry’s second time. At the very least.

“Here babe, bend your knee, there’s a good boy. Shit you’re absolutely stunning,” Louis said as he tried to piston his fingers as much as he could, watching how Harry opened up around the digit. He knew his dick was thick, so Harry would need to be relaxed, stretched, and suitably wet for it to not hurt him too much.

“I’ve gotten myself stretched enough to take my dildo,” Harry whispered, clearly because he existed to kill Louis.

A weaker man would have died by now, or at the very least, started to speed up the prep. But Louis had _promised_ dammit. He was going to give Harry a perfect first time.

Still. His mouth went dry and he practically squeaked, “dildo?”

He looked up from where he was pushing a second finger inside Harry’s tight body. “Bought it my first week here. I wanted to know what it was like. Took me so long to actually work up the nerve to try it.”

“You poor repressed thing,” Louis cooed. He couldn’t help it.

Harry didn’t seem to take offense though, he just nodded. “I was so scared it would hurt, but I kept thinking of how nice your dick was, and I was watching some porn-”

“Yeah? Imagining me fucking you?”

Harry was nodding quickly and his hips were starting to push back against Louis’ fingers - god save him. “You move your hips so well. I couldn’t help myself. So after I got relaxed with my fingers I got out my toy and.”

Louis couldn’t help it. He curled his fingers, hoping he was experienced enough to get it on the first go. Harry’s eyes went wide and his mouth hung open. His cock started to leak and Louis licked his lips.

“So perfect for me,” he whispered. “Here, I’m gonna just-” he did it again, making sure to rub just right so Harry’s cock couldn’t do anything but get closer and closer to the edge. “Coming will make this so nice for you.”

Harry swore and his body went tight as he came. His cock spurted come up his stomach, streaking his skin with creamy white. Louis continued to rub slowly until he wasn’t coming anymore, and then he removed his fingers.

Harry laid there underneath him, looking blissed out, and it allowed Louis the freedom to grab the condom and roll it onto his almost too hard cock. Maybe he should have taken more time making sure Harry was ready, but his boy was lost in the throes of the afterglow. There wasn’t really more of a relaxed way he could be.

Louis leaned down and kissed him, waiting until he got a reaction before he grabbed the base of his dick and guided it in between Harry’s cheeks.

“Relax for me, alright love?”

Harry nodded, and their faces were so close together. Louis could see the various shades of green in his eyes as he pushed inside him. The heat of Harry’s body surrounded his dick and he wanted it to swallow him home.

Louis started with shallow thrusts, keeping his eyes open as much as possible to watch Harry’s face. Any wincing started to fade as Louis got settled, and it made him feel more comfortable with moving his hips deeper, dragging his dick in and out of Harry’s body.

Harry started to moan, enjoying himself, just as Louis hit his stride. He was so turned on he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. He hoped Harry would be okay with that.

He kissed Harry as he worked himself closer, and closer, hips going a bit erratic. He wanted it to stay good, and with the way Harry started chanting, begging for Louis to come, begging for more, he knew he couldn’t be doing awful. His eyes squeezed shut as he finally allowed himself to work up to--

It was like seeing stars and breathing new life. All the air left him for a moment, and then he was gasping as he reared up, trying to chase the ending stages of his peak. He screwed his hips forward as he held tight to Harry’s thighs.

“Fuck,” he moaned, before repeating the word over and over as he came down for what might have been the best orgasm of his life.

He pulled out of Harry a moment later, fumbling to get the condom off of himself and getting rid of it before he allowed himself to curl up next to Harry. His focus was a bit blurry but he felt the bed shaking and his orgasm filled mind caught up to what Harry was doing.

“Shit,” he swore, reaching down to help Harry out.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Harry kept repeating. “Almost there. So good, you fucked me so well,” he whispered against Louis’ lips as he pulled himself off to a second orgasm. This one seemed to be smaller, barely anything coming out, but Harry still gasped against his lips.

Silence fell over the room as they both caught their breath from their orgasms.

“That was…” Louis finally said.

“Everything I wanted.”

“Yeah,” Louis agreed before he kissed him again. “It was perfect.”

Harry nodded. “Except. You lit all those candles but you never shut off the lights.”

Louis looked at him for a moment until he saw the way Harry cracked. “You know, I was a little distracted thinking about fucking you so forgive me. I can go shut off the lights now if you’d like.”

Harry clung to him. “No. Stay here.”


	6. Chapter 6

_What do you think of a man bun?_ The text from Harry read.

Louis frowned as he leaned back on his office chair. It was the end of the day and he just needed to send off one last grant request before he could head home. The distraction of talking to Harry was nice.

_Depends who’s wearing it_ He waited a moment and then sent a follow up text because he had a feeling he knew where this was going. _I tend to like guys with long hair though_

_Me?_

Louis grinned. He knew Harry so well.

_Oh…_ 😄 Harry texted back.

Louis couldn’t help it, he pressed call on Harry’s contact and held the phone up to his ear.

“Heyyyyy,” Harry drawled out.

“What are you planning?”

“It’s just something I’m thinking about! I’ve always wanted to grow it longer but well…”

“It’s gay?”

“It’s gay,” Harry agreed. “At least my family would think it was gay since what is it Zayn was ranting about the other day at dinner? Hair can’t be gendered.”

“Something like that yeah. I believe he was also talking about hair as a concept of self-expression.”

“Which is why he just dyed his hair pink.”

“Did he?” Louis asked.

“Yeah he posted a pic on Instagram.”

“Fuck Instagram and its not in chronological order. I haven’t seen it yet. He should post in stories like a normal person.”

Harry laughed. “Or you should spend more time scrolling through it aimlessly throughout your day.”

“Yeah? When would I have time for that? First thing in the morning? When I’d rather be cuddling you?”

Louis was positive Harry was blushing. They didn’t get to spend every night together but it was becoming more and more frequent. Three or four nights a week Louis would go to sleep curled up around Harry’s back.

“Pretty sure cuddling isn’t the only thing you’d rather be doing,” Harry whispered and that brought a laugh out from Louis.

“No. No it is not, but I was trying to be _cute_.”

Harry cleared his throat. “So you wouldn’t hate me if I tried to grow my hair out?”

“Babe, no. But even if I did that shouldn’t stop you.”

“I mean if you refused to suck my dick anymore because you didn’t like my hair it would definitely stop me.”

“I can promise you that long hair will not stop me from sucking your dick. The only thing that will stop me from doing that is possibly the joy I get from using your new long hair as leverage when I have you suck mine. How’s that?”

Harry’s laugh was like liquid gold in his ear, and the way it made Louis’ heart pick up made it easier for him to get through writing the last of the grant.

***

Some nights were hard. Some nights, because of how things were with Harry, Louis could at least bury his face in between Harry’s shoulderblades and try and block out all the negative thoughts, or at least hide his sniffles in the dark.

Some nights though, Harry wasn’t here because they’d both had long days, and were going to have early mornings, and their apartments weren’t close together, and parking was a bitch, which made it difficult to rationalize staying over. Some nights Facebook memories were a real fucking bitch and the distraction Louis was trying to use bit him in his ass.

Louis wrapped his arms around his knees and took a deep breath, trying to steady himself as he felt wave after wave of grief trying to break free. He tried to push it back as he looked at his phone again.

**1:03am** It read in bold white letters against the lockscreen he’d set of a picture of him and his mom.

Maybe not the best idea.

He slammed the phone back into the mattress and breathed.

It was just a Tuesday night. Everyone had work in the morning. Louis didn’t want to be a burden on anyone.

Texts though, texts didn’t have to be answered right away.

His hands shook as he opened his phone and tried not to look at his lockscreen. The wallpaper at least was just a selfie of Harry, which was much easier to look at.

_I miss you._ He texted Harry.

He let out a breath, feeling better already just reaching out that little bit. He jumped when his phone started to vibrate a moment later. He picked it up and looked at the screen.

Harry was calling him.

“Why are you awake?” Louis asked in lieu of saying hello.

“Why are _you_ awake?” Harry’s low voice sounded drowsy.

“Shit I didn’t mean to wake you. Don’t you have your phone on silent or something?”

“Not for you,” Harry said. “In case of emergency.” Louis could heard shuffling around as Harry moved in his bed. “What’s the matter, Lou?”

Louis let out a shaky breath. “Did you know that Facebook for all their fucking stalking doesn’t inherently know which memories to hide?”

He heard the breath Harry let out. “Oh Lou.”

“A year ago I made a post about my mom.” Harry stayed silent. “We - she’d found out that the cancer was terminal and I didn’t know what else to do you know? So I made a post, and Facebook for _some fucking reason_ thought I would want to see it a year later even though the _last thing I want is to be reminded of it_.”

“You’d think they’d have thought better of that, yeah,” Harry said. The shuffling continued.

Louis sniffed. “It hurts. I think that was the worst day of my life, because it was the first time I was hit with her death you know? The whole rest of the year it was just one beating after another, but that first one hurt the worse.”

“Cause up until then you thought you might be able to beat it?” Harry asked.

“I really did. My mom. Fuck you would have liked her. She really lit up a room. Everyone who met her always told me that. She was like… the perfect mom. All bubbly and light and she gave really, _really_ good hugs.”

“Did she?” Harry asked, and his voice was sounded distant. Louis wondered if he was starting to drift off. “Tell me more about the hugs.”

Talking was stopping Louis from descending into a panic and so if his boyfriend wanted to listen to him talk as he fell back asleep Louis would gladly oblige. Maybe he’d drift off too.

“They were great,” he whispered. “She smelled… she always wore this perfume. Elizabeth Arden White Diamonds. We weren’t the most well off in the world and she only got a bottle once every couple years but it was her treat to herself. When I was a kid I’d bury my face against her shoulder near where she’d applied some and it was like coming home you know?”

“Have you thought about buying some of that and just spraying it for the comfort?”

Louis hummed at the suggestion. He was on a roll though. “Did you know the day she told me she was waiting for test results I had invited her out to dinner because I’d just gotten this job? She didn’t know I’d even applied. It was supposed to be a surprise. She’d gotten all dressed up because I had gotten us reservations at her favorite restaurant. This nice little French place.” He sighed. “We went one more time after that. Before she was in the hospital full time.”

Louis continued to talk, the phone pressed to his ear, just rolling through memory after memory. They were non-sequitur. Sometimes they were just an anecdote. Other times they were a longer story.

There was noise in the background on Harry’s end and Louis wondered if he’d finally fallen asleep and dropped the phone.

“Hey, Lou,” Harry said, interrupting him for the first time.

“Were you finally going to sleep?” Louis was feeling better. Mostly. He could handle the rest of the night.

“No,” Harry said. “I need you to let me in.”

“What?”

“It’s cold outside, which is kinda bullshit since it’s spring now, but-”

“No. What do you mean?” Louis scrambled out of bed, rubbing his eyes as they started to get wet. He unlocked his front door and ran down to the main doors where Harry was standing. He hung up the phone. “Harry?”

Harry looked exhausted, but he was standing there with his work bag over his shoulder along with his sleepover bag. “Hey. Let’s get in bed and I’ll get your memories all sorted.”

“My memories?”

Harry was guiding him up to his apartment with a hand on his back. “Facebook memories. I know there’s gotta be a way to hide them. So while you get curled up in bed I’m gonna figure it out.”

Louis couldn’t hold it in anymore. The moment they crossed into the privacy of his apartment he dissolved. Harry caught him before he fell to the floor, and cuddled him up to his chest.

“It’s not fair,” Louis kept saying. “It’s not fair.”

Harry rubbed his back, staying quiet as he started to ramble.

“I hate it. Why did it have to happen to her? To me? It’s not fair. We weren’t doing anything. She never hurt anyone. And it’s not like I have anyone else.” Tears were pouring down his cheeks as he started to shake with the force of his sobs.

Harry tightened his hold. “Let it all out. It’s okay.”

“It’s not fucking fair.” It was all he could think.

“I know,” Harry said. “It’s not fair, but I’m here.”

Somehow Harry got them into his bedroom, and wrapped up in the blankets. Louis felt exhausted and rung out from crying but he still had more tears inside him. Harry held him the entire time.

Because Harry had shown up. And he was here.

It was enough to overwhelm Louis into a different set of tears. But for now he was just letting it all out about what he had lost.


	7. Chapter 7

“If you get glitter on my carpet you’re dead to me Malik,” Louis said as he watched Zayn just fucking upend a bottle of rainbow glitter into his freshly bleached and gelled hair over the bathtub.

“That’s never gonna wash out,” Niall commented as he peeked over Louis’ shoulder to watch Harry carefully hand Zayn a _second bottle of glitter_ because one wasn’t enough. He was wearing a blue, purple, and pink tie-dyed shirt and almost comically short cut off shorts.

Louis would mock him for looking like a cartoon character later. He had bigger things to deal with.

“And you!” Louis said, pointing to Harry. “You’re supposed to be on my side!”

Harry looked at him with deadly serious eyes. “I’m dedicated to the cause. And the cause today is rainbows.” His hands were covered in some of the glitter from Zayn’s hair experiment.

Louis rolled his eyes.

“Let the boys have their fun. It’s _pride_!” Niall said, and then he pulled out a couple of soft packages wrapped in rainbow paper. “I even bought presents!”

“What the hell did you do that for?” Zayn asked as he threw his head back and glitter went _everywhere_ in Louis’ precious _off-white_ bathroom.

“Well they aren’t exactly for you. They’re both for Harry as a ‘Happy First Pride’.” Niall said with a shrug. “I wasn’t sure you had something appropriate to wear.”

Harry’s serious eyes had dropped and he looked like a deer in the headlights. He’d already pulled his slowly growing curls back in a rainbow headscarf, and Louis had allowed him to raid Louis’ clothes looking for something to wear. He’d even let Harry pick out what he would wear so that way Harry knew that he wouldn’t be alone.

Niall shoved the two packages into his hands and Harry took them, looking between all three of them. Louis shrugged.

“Don’t look at me, I wasn’t part of this.”

“I got you two options as you can see. In case one gets dirty.” He threw a wink at Harry as Harry looked from him to Louis and then back at the presents.

“Well go on,” Zayn said. “We’re supposed to start day drinking soon!”

Harry took his time unwrapping the gifts because he was the type of person who liked to do it neatly. There were two white shirts that were folded to hide any design on them and Harry waited until he had both of them unwrapped before he unfolded them.

Louis couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing, and Zayn and Harry followed a beat afterwards.

The first shirt simply said “into butts” in a wavy text, while the other one said “BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM” in bright red.

Harry held both of the shirts up, beaming from laughing. “Thanks Niall. I love them.”

“Well _go on_ , put one on.”

Harry pulled off the shirt he was already wearing and put on the “BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM” shirt, standing up to show it off. “Whoops,” he said as he realized his glitter covered hand had transferred glitter over the shirt.

Louis threw his head back in woe. “I’m going to be finding glitter everywhere, for the rest of forever.”

“So is whatever bed Zayn ends up in tonight,” Niall said.

“God help the gay men of the world it’s his own.”

Zayn flipped him off as he stood up, fucking shedding glitter everywhere, and threw an arm around Harry. “Well the rest of us are all gayed up, where’s your paraphernalia, Tommo?”

“On the bed. I’ll go grab them,” Louis said, as if it pained him, and it did to a small degree. Mostly because he knew what Niall would say once he saw what Harry had picked out for him.

Niall followed him because he didn’t understand the concept of personal space. He grabbed the rainbow suspenders and shucked off his shirt to replace it with the black shirt that was emblazed with a rainbow gemstone “PRIDE” Harry had picked up for him. When he turned around Niall let out a whoop of joy.

“College Louis is _back_ everyone!”

Harry stuck his head into the bedroom, followed by Zayn and all that _fucking glitter_.

Zayn joined Niall in a cheer while Harry just raised an eyebrow waiting for an explanation. Louis sighed and snapped his suspenders. “I bought these for my first pride in college.”

“And he wore them _daily_ afterwards,” Niall continued. “To the point he was known as _Suspenders Boy_ around campus.”

“Well it was either that or Gay Boy so really, they just picked the nicer one,” Louis said.

Harry grinned and reached for him with a somehow still glitter covered hand, despite the fact that his shirt was started to twinkle from all the glitter he’d gotten into it. “I think everyone was just jealous because you look _really_ good in those.”

“God help us,” Niall said. “They’re that couple.”

“You’ve known we’re that couple for months now, Niall,” Harry said as he pulled Louis in for a kiss.

“Alright, alright, break it up. Or I’ll rub glitter in your bed.”

Louis broke the kiss to say, “I’ll kill you, Malik,” but Harry moved back into his space to distract him.

It was a good way to start off the day.


	8. Chapter 8

Louis was pulling the pork shoulder out of the crock pot it had been in all day while Harry fussed around with prepping what he called a “summer salad”. All Louis knew was that it had strawberries in it and if he could eat fruit in his salads he would. 

He turned around after he plated up the food and was surprised to see two glasses of wine on his kitchen table. He tilted his head to the side. “What’s all that then?”

Harry jumped and then smiled at Louis while he tucked a piece of hair behind his ear. “Just thought we could do something fancy?”

“Uh huh,” Louis said slowly, putting the plates down. 

“And maybe, I wanted to talk?”

Harry took his seat and started fiddling with the stem of the wine glass. 

“Talk? Like? A good talk? A nervous talk?” Louis’ heart was starting to race. He was pretty sure he had a vague idea of what Harry wanted to talk about but he knew Harry could spring something completely different on him.

“An adult talk?” Harry’s voice squeaked a bit and he cleared his throat. “About life and the future?”

Louis’ heart was in his throat and he couldn’t help but take a long sip of wine. “Okay. You have something in mind?”

Harry nodded and let out a breath. “I’m thinking of quitting my job.” Louis blinked. That hadn’t been where he thought Harry was going with this at all. Harry didn’t seem to notice, as he barreled on ahead. “I’ve given it some thought about what I’m really passionate about in terms of politics and I want to make _real_ change. Like you do at the center. And I kept thinking about where I saw myself in five, ten years, and working for a firm like this just isn’t… it’s so soul sucking sometimes because I’m helping craft policies I don’t even agree with.”

“Well you’ve said that this was never meant to be a long term job. Just something to build yourself up to being a consultant right?”

“I don’t know if I _want_ to do the consulting anymore. My ability to do work with who I want to would still be dependent on money because to do the job right I’d need to have people working for me and I’d want to pay them well and it just… wouldn’t work out how I want. And also, I’ve really wanted to be more on the ground because just from the work I’ve seen you do, and the work I’ve been doing, I know I would enjoy it more.”

Louis nodded as everything settled over him. Harry finally looked at him and he smiled. “If that’s what you want then I say go for it.”

He could see the way Harry’s entire body sagged in relief. “Really?”

“Of course! If you’re lucky enough to be able to identify what you are looking for in a job all the more power to you.”

Harry nodded quickly, finally digging into his food now that he was no longer a ball of tension. “Yeah of course. It’s just. I’ve been looking at you and Niall and Zayn and you all love what you do even if it’s not conventional?”

“Being _director_ is a pretty conventional job,” Louis said with a wink.

Harry rolled his eyes and spoke with a mouth full of salad. “It’s not a nine to five office job that give you a pension and you’ll retire in 30.5 years etcetera etcetera.”

“Ah. Well no. Few jobs are now a days. So do you have something in mind?”

“There’s a city councillor looking for a new catchall manager. I’ve actually got an interview with her tomorrow.”

“ _What?_ Holy shit, that’s good right?”

Harry nodded. “I met her at one of the conferences I attended for work, and we started talking last month. She’s really passionate about building up the poorer communities, not only here, but in the whole county. She’s been councillor for half a decade now and she’s looking to move up to the state level soon to try and get funding for projects here, but in other towns surrounding the city. She wants someone to help her start up that campaign and I mentioned some ideas I had and… yeah.”

Louis was smiling so much his cheeks were starting to hurt. “So I’m gathering this is really good.”

Harry nodded. “The only downside would be…” he twirling his fork. “The paycut.”

Louis winced. “Those suck.”

“I’ve tried to build up a savings but from a budgeting standpoint it wouldn’t make sense to keep renting my apartment.”

The smile was back on Louis’ face, because _this_ was where he thought this conversation had been heading from the beginning. “Rent is a huge chunk of change.”

Harry laughed. “It is! So you know. _Living_ with someone would help. And my lease is up in September _anyway_ , so if I were to find someone to move in with…”

Louis looked around his tiny kitchen. “Interesting, interesting. Got anyone in mind for your new roommate?”

“Well, I was thinking Niall?”

Louis laughed and he couldn’t help but give Harry’s ankle a soft kick. “If you want to move in together you can just ask. My lease is up in November so if we find this is too small after a couple months we can find a new place.”

“Could we though?” Harry asked with a wink. “Pretty sure we’ll be stuck here until at least all that glitter from pride is gone.”

“Fuck, don’t remind me.” Louis said. He stood up, because how could he stay seated when Harry was asking him to move in together. He climbed into his boyfriend’s lap and planted a kiss on his forehead. “I love you.” It wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but it was still new, the words catching in his throat from how raw the emotions were for him.

Harry’s eyes were a beautiful, shining green as he wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist. He tilted his head up to kiss Louis. “I love you too.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Well that’s the last of the plates organized,” Harry said as he poked his head into _their_ bedroom. It was no longer just Louis’ anymore. Which is why he’d changed the sheets to a set of Harry’s because Harry had _nice_ 6000 thread count Egyptian cotton type sheets. “The kitchen is officially merged.”

“You mean you’ve replaced everything with your kitchen?” Louis said with an arched eyebrow.

Harry giggled and nodded, coming in for a hug. “Maybe.”

“Merging is what we did with our movie collection. And the video games. But I know for a fact what I had and what you had for _kitchen supplies_ is much different.”

“I kept your pint glasses. And your steak knives. And the sushi rolling kit you have that you’ve never opened because you’re quote - not ready to commit to that yet.”

“You’re the best,” Louis dragged him down for a kiss. Harry went happily, and after a moment they tumbled onto the bed together and fell into an easy cuddling position.

“You wanna know something,” Harry said low, like a secret.

“What?”

“Amanda asked me what I did all weekend and I told her me and my boyfriend had spent the weekend moving in together.”

Louis’ eyes went wide. Amanda was the city councilwoman Harry worked for. “Yeah?”

Harry nodded, still looking shy. “It just came out - no pun intended. All natural. And she just asked me if we’d had any troubles, completely casual.”

“Troubles?”

“Apparently she’s never met a couple that didn’t fight while moving. She said we must be the chillest couple ever if we managed to move without fighting.”

“In fairness it’s mostly because you’d already moved in and I didn’t have to go anywhere.”

Harry snorted. “Well sure. But I like to imagine it’s because we’re so _chill_.”

Louis rolled his eyes as he rolled over onto his back. Harry clung to him, nuzzling his face into Louis’ collarbone. “You know you’re the first guy I’ve lived with?”

Harry hummed in response. “I had a feeling. With the way Zayn and Niall teased us in the beginning.”

“It’s just. I never thought I’d get here.”

“Really?”

Louis nodded as Harry looked up at him. “I really never thought I’d meet someone I liked enough. Someone I loved.”

Harry blushed. “Me neither.” 

Louis smiled but then Harry’s face shifted, going from light and happy to dark. Louis arched his head to try and get a better look. “What’s the matter?”

“Just- it’s stupid. Things from _before_.”

Before was what Harry always referred to as his hometown. Over the last several months he’d only brought his hometown up a half dozen times or so. Louis knew he called his parents at least once a month just so they knew he was alive, but Harry was trying very hard to put distance between himself and his family.

“Talk to me about it,” Louis said, because he always said that whenever Harry got that look on his face.

Usually Harry just brushed him off, but tonight he sat up, rubbing his face. “There was a time I really couldn’t imagine being this happy. I had a- my best friend in high school, Liam. We were really close, had been since we were toddlers. Our moms got on when we were in the same day care and so we spent a lot of time together.”

Louis sat up to join him. Harry had never spoken about anyone from his hometown before, and Louis had no idea where this could go. He reached out and took Harry’s hand.

“We had a lot of sleep overs when we were kids. We watched movies and played video games and wrestling, you know just shit kids do. But we’d also… _talk_. Nothing _deep_ but it would be … talks. Like code? Cause we were too afraid to say it outloud?”

“He was gay?” Louis guessed.

Harry nodded as he bit his lip. “Or something, yeah. He played on the basketball team and I don’t know how but someone found out.” Louis held his breath. There were so many ways this story could go and he hated every options but one, and he knew it wouldn’t be that option from the way Harry’s knuckles were going white holding on to his hand. “He got bullied so much he had to quit the team. And people - some of the kids - I was his best friend you know. So they asked me.” Harry looked up at Louis and he had tears in his eyes. “I didn’t stick up for him.”

Louis closed his eyes.

“I mean I couldn’t _actively_ be mean to him, call him names like some of the other kids. But I still abandoned my best friend, and it was probably one of the darkest points for me. I hurt him all because I was scared.”

Louis sighed and squeezed Harry’s hand. “Is he still alive?”

Harry nodded. “We got through high school and he went to a college out of state and never really came back. All I’ve heard since we left high school is from my parents- fuck my parents will just casually mention they’re ‘shocked the Payne’s son managed to become a doctor instead of falling into _that_ lifestyle.’”

Louis had a few choice words to say about that but he kept his mouth shut. He was sure if Harry’s parents had seen them during Pride - or hell, how he and Harry had met - they’d have a heart attack. “The assholishness aside, Liam’s okay. It sounds like he’d prospered, even.” Harry nodded. “The high school bullies didn’t win that time.”

“We didn’t,” Harry agreed. “But, it makes me feel almost guilty to be happy now. And back then, I couldn’t even begin to imagine that I would find someone like you. I thought I would have to hide forever.”

“I mean. I’m not going to lie. Yeah you were a dick.” Harry shot him a look as he sniffed. “But you were also a kid. You were scared that if you didn’t go along people would find out that you were gay too and they’d turn on you.”

“But if they’d turned on me then Liam wouldn’t have had to be alone.”

“True, but who’s to say- fuck this talk always gets so morbid, but Harry, you have to know not every kid survives being bullied for being gay. And no offense but your parents don’t sound like they would have been happy, supportive in the matter either. You did what you had to do to protect yourself and I can’t fault you for that. I’m actually very much in the camp that I am _happy_ you made it through high school because otherwise you wouldn’t be here, moved in with me. And if Liam ever finds out there’s a chance he could understand.” Louis paused. “Or he’ll punch you in the face and tell you you were a coward and he never wants to see you again, and that would be fine too.”

Harry snorted. It wasn’t pretty, since his eyes were wet from almost crying, but he smiled when it was over, and to Louis that was the best view. “You don’t think I’m a horrible person then?”

“Not even close. I think you’re a person, like anyone else. And to me it’s sounded like you’ve grown a lot.” Louis pulled Harry back into him and cuddled him close. “You deserve to be happy.”

“I love being happy,” Harry whispered as he sunk into Louis’ embrace.

“I love you being too.”


	10. Chapter 10

Their apartment smelled like heaven, if heaven smelled like stuffing and various baked goods. There were a lot of baked goods, and if Louis knew Niall there would be even more because that was what he excelled at cooking.

Harry had laid out a buffet of food on what limited counter space they had and Louis had to admit it definitely looked like a home he was proud of. There was even a fall colored runner that Harry had dug out from somewhere. And a charcuterie board, couldn’t forget that one.

This Friendsgiving was going to be a very good one.

“I brought pumpkin ale!” Niall cheered as he walked in, followed by Zayn.

“I’m not drinking that,” Louis answered automatically even as Harry made grabby hands for the six pack of _pumpkin ale_.

“And I brought hard cider, because I’m not a heathen,” Zayn said. He had two shopping bags with him. “We also brought an apple pie and a pumpkin pie - Niall made the apple, I made the pumpkin because they were the opposite of the alcohol we were bringing.” He rolled his eyes. “I also brought,” dramatic pause, “the chicken.”

“Turkey?” Louis asked and Zayn pulled out a tupperware container big enough to hold what looked like multiply pieces of chicken marinating in some sort of spicy sauce.

“Chicken, because turkey is overrated, and there are only four of us and we’re sure not gonna eat a whole fucking turkey,” Zayn said simply. “Harry, I need one of your oven pans.”

The two of them began talking as Louis looked at Niall who shrugged. “This is what you get for leaving Zayn in charge of the main course.”

“He volunteered!” Louis said.

“Oh well,” Niall said.

Their friendsgiving was a firm tradition that had started back in college, and over the years fluctuated between happening on the weekend before Thanksgiving and the day of Thanksgiving, depending on everyone’s situation. For awhile they would even include Louis’ mom, since she lived close by enough, and loved feeding them when Niall and Zayn couldn’t make the trek home.

This year there were still four of them, and it was on Thanksgiving, but there were moments Louis started to feel the phantom limb missing that was his mom. He could see how she would fit in so well with the group. She’d be right there with Zayn and Harry, watching over as they laid the strips of chicken out on the tray to bake off in the oven. She’d join Niall and Harry in tasting some of the pumpkin ale, even if after their backs were turned she’d look at Louis and whisper that it tasted awful.

He missed her. The feeling didn’t hit him as often as it did in the beginning of the year, but it still hurt when it came. Louis sighed and ducked his head as he joined Niall in their living room to talk and catch up with things since they’d last seen each other a couple weeks ago.

Once the food was in the oven Zayn and Harry joined them and the conversations started flowing easily. The four of them were quite the group, easily able to navigate through multiple conversations at once, picking up threads that were dropped three conversations back. It only got more chaotic as Niall insisted on putting a movie on in the background, and that didn’t even count when food started to get served.

The chaos was good at helping to quell the ache of missing his mom. Harry wrapped him up in a hug as they cuddled together on the couch, and Louis knew that even after Niall and Zayn left he’d be able to find comfort in the ease that Harry brought him.

Everything was going well, and they were serving themselves food, when Harry’s phone went off, the generic ring tone startling them all.

“Spam?” Niall guessed, as Harry looked at his phone and clicked to reject the phone call.

Harry shrugged, taking his seat at the table. Not a couple moments later the phone rang again, and Harry sighed. “Excuse me. I’ll be right back.”

Louis watched as Harry walked back to their bedroom and he had a feeling he knew who was on the other end of the call. “I’m just gonna go…” he said as he stood up.

“Eavesdropping is good. Healthy for the relationship,” Zayn said casually.

Louis flipped him off. “Being supportive is healthy for the relationship.”

He got to the bedroom door right as Harry said, “I’m busy.” His voice was short and distant. “I know you want everyone home but I have work and I can’t- no I’m not alone. We’re having a Friendsgiving.” He caught Louis’ eye for just a second before he closed his own. “Just me, and my roommate and a couple of our friends. No, I’m not _hiding_ anything from you-”

Louis could only imagine how much whichever parent Harry was talking to kept speaking over him. Harry hated when someone talked over him, and Louis was getting an idea as to why.

“No I didn’t watch the parade. I slept in.”

Louis couldn’t stop himself from smiling. They had slept in, curled up together, naked from the night before. He was still sore in the most delicious of ways and he hoped Harry was too.

“I probably won’t watch any of the games either, Louis isn’t a fan of- because we _live together_ and it would be rude to monopolize the television.” Louis tilted his head to the side, surprised that Harry’s parents apparently knew his name. That as something, at the very least. “Well I’m not home so I didn’t follow tradition. Mom. Mom. It’s great talking to you, but we have guests, I think there’s going to be a board game, and it feels rude to be in my room ignoring my guests. Isn’t that what you’ve always said.” Apparently that did the trick because then Harry was saying, “I’ll talk to you soon. Have a good day. Enjoy the food,” and hanging up.

He collapsed back into bed and let out a frustrated moan.

“Everything okay?”

“Just my mom, guilt tripping me for not coming home.”

Louis gave him a half smile as he climbed onto the bed beside Harry. “Well she clearly didn’t pitch a better time than we were having.”

“She thinks I have a girlfriend I don’t want her to meet yet.”

Louis laughed, unable to think of something better to do. “I mean I guess she isn’t wrong?”

Harry at least, smiled. “Mothers do always tend to know, even if she’s a bit off the mark, what with it being a _boyfriend_.”

“Come here,” Louis opened his arms for a hug. “And don’t think about the fight she’s going to put up when you tell her you aren’t coming home for Christmas either.”

Harry let out another moan. “Don’t even remind me. I’ve been too focused on this and work to even begin to think about Christmas.”

Louis kissed his forehead. “Let’s leave your phone in here, and go back out and hope Niall and Zayn haven’t devoured our food, and then we’ll stuff ourselves full of pie and more alcohol and it’ll be great.”

It only took a couple more seconds of coaxing before Harry was following him out of their room and back to their friends.


	11. Chapter 11

“That’s a Christmas tree,” Louis said, unable to think of anything else to say at 9 in the morning on Black Friday when he should have been in bed cuddling with his boyfriend and instead he came out to see said boyfriend putting the finishing touches on a Christmas tree not unlike the Charlie Brown Christmas tree. “Why is there a Christmas tree?”

Harry turned around and smiled. “It’s the day after thanksgiving! It’s officially Christmas season!”

Louis covered his face with his hands. “Oh god, I never thought to ask what kind of Christmas person you were and it turns out you’re one of _those_.”

Harry puffed out his chest and put his hands on his hips. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“The kind who can’t wait until the first of December to start putting up your Christmas decorations!”

Harry looked mock offended. “I wait until after Thanksgiving which is long enough! It’s not like I’m a heathen who starts right after Halloween!”

“Small miracles!” Louis said. 

They both looked at each other for a moment before dissolving into laughter and Louis came over to look at the tree.

“We can get a better tree if you want. They sell those mini ones for cheap.”

“Hush, this is tradition for me! I’ve had this little tree since high school.”

“That long, huh? Any other decorations you want to put up?”

Harry glanced at him as Louis sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Are you into that sort of thing?”

“Babe, I’m a December baby. The whole month is a long celebration of _me_. The lights? Those go up for me. The singing? Me. Presents? All for me.”

Harry laughed. “I see, I see. I do have some tinsel I like to hang up. And some lights. And mistletoe.”

“Better only hang that up under our bedroom door. Wouldn’t want you sneaking kisses with any of our guests.”

Harry rolled his eyes and leaned over for a kiss. “Course not.”

Louis hummed, going back for another kiss. “So is this how we’re doing this?” Harry made a questioning noise. “You, me, Christmas?”

Harry smiled. “Yeah. Our first Christmas together. We’ll go look at the light displays. Celebrate your birthday with a movie marathon-“

“I only allow good Christmas movies in my marathons and we have to start and end with Love Actually.”

“-and then wake up Christmas morning and have a nice breakfast and open some presents.”

It made Louis feel warm and fuzzy hearing their plans. The beginning of a new set of traditions for them. And enough to distract him from what would otherwise have been a very difficult December.

“That sounds amazing.”

Harry beamed and leaned in for another kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”


	12. Chapter 12

The anniversary of his mother’s death was rough to say the least. Louis made it through it by burying himself in work and Harry. But only just. He was glad December was passing quickly, so the two weeks he had off at the end of the month were coming up before he knew it. He and Harry were going to have a good, relaxing time together.

And then Harry’s phone rang on the Thursday before their vacation was supposed to start.

They were curled up on the couch, catching up on what Harry referred to as “their shows” but were actually just a collection of youtubers they were both subscribed to.

“No phones,” Louis muttered, grumpy at the loss of Harry’s warmth as he got up to grab his phone.

The sigh Harry made let him know who was on the phone even before Harry answered.

“Hi, mom.”

Louis paused the show they were watching, expecting Harry to head into their room as he normally did when his mom called. Instead, tonight, Harry sat back down on the couch and pulled Louis back into the cuddling position they’d been in.

They were close enough that for the first time Louis could hear her voice.

“Have you gotten time off from work for the Christmas holiday?” She sounded… off. Distracted as she spoke, and maybe a little bit cold.

Louis wondered if he was projecting onto her. Probably.

“No. I want to make a good impression so I’m staying here.”

“That’s not the answer your father wanted to hear, Harry. We’re having a very busy December this year, what with the campaigning, and we both think that it would be best if you were home.”

“I’m sure you can handle anything without me.”

Harry was stiff even as they cuddled and Louis snuggled closer, trying to send him as many good vibes as he could.

His mom sighed. “Your father is meeting with potential donors. These are important people: Donna Walsh, Simon Knopka, even Jeffery Guttman will be here!” If those names meant anything to Harry he didn’t show it. “You remember what happened when Richards ran his campaign for mayor and his daughter came home from college with a shaved head and an eyebrow piercing. These donors like to see that our family is well adjusted.”

Harry closed his eyes in frustration and Louis gave him a little squeeze. “I’m working mom.”

“ _It’s Christmas._ You can’t honestly expect me to believe that they have you working through the holidays! Do I need to call-”

“No! No,” Harry said suddenly, sitting up and almost dislodging Louis in the process. “No. I’ll- I’ll figure something out I guess. Rearrange all my plans, I guess. Maybe bring work back there.”

The shift in his mother’s voice was instant the moment she seemed to think she’d gotten him to do what she wanted. She sounded cheery. “Great! We’ll be starting the fundraising dinners on Monday so I expect to see you here then. And you’ll brother will be coming in too, so it will be good to have both my boys home.”

“I- I- yes, that sounds great.”

“I’m so excited to see you,” his mom said. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Harry said. He hung up and buried his face in his hands. “Fuck!”

Louis rubbed his back, confused by the end of the conversation, but he knew what it meant. “Change of plans?”

“Fucking hell! Why couldn’t she take no for a fucking answer?” Harry stood up and began pacing, agitated.

Louis felt bad for him. He felt bad for himself as well, to be honest. Knowing that Harry would be with him through the holidays was all that was keeping him sane. “Sounded important.”

“It’s _not_. Dad’s running for mayor, and the whole thing is just a popularity contest at the end of the day. The fundraising is bullshit, it just goes into the town budget or something. It’s a whole production for nothing but embarrassing people. I have no idea why dad is doing this.”

“He wants to win?”

“I guess.” Harry paused and looked at him. “I just wanted to be with you for Christmas and your birthday.”

“It’s okay. I can hang out with Zayn and Niall and-”

“And what? Go out partying and throw up on another guy and get him to take you home?” Harry was trying to sound unbothered and teasing but the way he crossed his arms over his chest told Louis how he was really feeling.

Louis stood up and wrapped his arms around him. “You know you’re the only guy I want to throw up on.”

“It was going to be our anniversary, Lou,” Harry whined. “One year since we met, and one year since I took you out on our first date, and our first Christmas and _all I wanted_ was to be with you.”

Louis cupped his cheeks. “I know. I wanted to be with you too. It’s making things easier. I don’t know what kind of state I’d be in if I didn’t have you.” He made sure Harry was looking at him. “And don’t think I want you going back there alone. I heard how miserable you sounded on the phone. I’m sure this isn’t going to be a walk in the park for you either.”

“Fuck no. It’s going to be _awful_. Fancy dinner parties every night, and dad’s going to want me to impress his donors or whatever, and there’s this stupid gift exchange on Chrismtas Eve. Oh! And I’ll have to see my brother, and that’s just going to be _so much fun_.”

Harry was starting to talk quicker, voice getting higher pitched and panicked and Louis didn’t know how to make it stop except, “I’d go with you if I could.”

Harry stopped.

Louis’ breath caught.

“What?”

Louis swallowed. “I mean. I know I can’t, but if I could, I’d go with you.” Harry looked at him with his piercing green eyes. It made Louis trip over his own tongue. “I just think us being together would make it easier, for both of us. You’d be at those dumb parties and instead of having to text me and tell me all about it and risk being rude you could just look over at me and we’d wink at each other or something. And… I mean. We’d be together.”

“We’d be together,” Harry said slowly. “But my parents don’t know we’re together.”

Louis rolled his eyes, ignoring the churn of hurt in his stomach at the reminder. Harry didn’t owe him that, and considering how his mom and dad sounded as people, Louis didn’t blame him. “I know that. That’s why I said _if I could_.”

“But you could,” Harry continued, just as slow. “If we went as friends.”

“Babe. A guy bringing home another guy for Christmas.”

“But you aren’t just another guy! You… you helped get me acclimated to the city! You’re my friend, and you don’t have anywhere to go for Christmas! That’s why I wanted to stay home, but if mom is insisting I come home, I don’t want to leave you alone!”

“Harry,” Louis said, a warning in his voice. “What are you thinking?”

“It would work out right? If you wanted to, of course. As a reality and not just a hypothetical.”

“What? Go home with you for Christmas and just pretend we’re friends?”

“Yes! It wouldn’t be hard, would it?”

“I don’t know, all I ever here is Niall and Zayn tell us how gross and obvious we are.”

“But they’re gay like us. They’re looking for us to be gay. My parents have heterosexual vision on.”

“I’m pretty fucking gay, babe. Got the wrist and everything,” Louis said, making a mock limp wrist for comedic effect.

Harry didn’t laugh. “Come home with me. Please.” Louis clenched his jaw, trying to think. “I don’t want to be alone. You don’t want to be alone. This is a way for us to be together in the only way we can.”

Louis took a deep breath, staring into Harry’s eyes. “I love you,” he said. “And I want to be with you for my birthday, and our anniversary, and Christmas, so…” He took another breath. “I’ll come with you, on the condition,” he tacked on quickly to stop Harry’s cheer. “That the week between Christmas and New Years is just us, locked in this apartment, with enough food to keep us alive, and alcohol to keep my tipsy, while we marathon every holiday movie I can find to drown my sorrows from the bullshit both of us are probably going to go through.”

“Are you done?” Harry asked, rolled his eyes as he threw his arms around Louis’ shoulders. “Thank you, thank you, Lou.”

“This is going to be so awful,” Louis said, hugging him back.

“Yeah it is, but we’re in it together.” Harry pulled back to look at him. “And I’m really, really thankful that you’ll be there.” He grabbed his phone. “I’m telling mom.”

He stepped back to make the phone call, and Louis listened as Harry crisply informed his mom about the updated plans, and cooly shut down any attempt from her to argue or fish for more information. When Harry was done he smiled at Louis, and Louis hoped that everything would turn out okay.


	13. Chapter 13

“Explain it to me again. You’re going to spend Christmas - _and your birthday_ \- with his homophobic WASP parents?” Zayn paused for only a moment, before he seemed to realize Louis wasn’t going to answer and instead just keep packing. “That’s gonna be hell.”

Louis closed his eyes in frustration. “It was either that or be apart and I don’t think that’s gonna be good for either of us this year, you know?”

Zayn stayed quiet as Louis continued to go through their clothes, trying to figure out what would be appropriate to wear to all the fucking events and dinners Harry claimed they’d be going to.

“When do you guys leave?” Zayn finally asked, in lieu of anything productive apparently.

“Monday. We’re going to drive up there around noon in the hopes of missing rush hour traffic.”

“And so you’re packing today because?”

“Because Harry started to panic this morning thinking we didn’t have the right clothes for his parents and he wanted an inventory so he’d know if we needed to go shopping or something.”

Zayn put his hand on Louis’ back and rubbed. “I love you, Louis, but what made you agree to this?”

“I didn’t want to be alone,” Louis said. “And you didn’t see how hard talking to her was. There’s a reason he never speaks with his family around us.”

Zayn hummed and pointed to an ice pink button up shirt that Louis had owned since college. “You definitely need to show up in that.”

Louis snorted. “If I want to give them a heart attack maybe.”

“Are you going to tell his parents _your_ gay?”

Louis shrugged. “We haven’t exactly talked about that part.”

“Cause you can’t play straight.”

“Harry makes the point that they look through the world with hetereo vision so they probably won’t pick up on any of my quote, signs.”

“No, I mean, even on the most basic, adult level, you can’t play straight. They’re going to ask you what you do for a living.”

“Ah.”

“You’d have to lie, or just not tell them.”

“I’m a director of a youth center,” Louis said.

Zayn gave him a look. “That’s very nice. Like the Y? Underprivileged youth? How did you get involved with that?”

Louis shoved him gently. “I get your point. I guess that’s just something that will have to be played by ear.”

“I guess it comes down to the idea of if you want them to like you or not.”

Louis snorted. “I really don’t give a shit if they like me.”

“You would if it mattered to Harry.”

“I don’t think it matters-” Louis cut himself off before he finished that sentence. He suddenly wasn’t sure if Harry wanted his parents to like Louis. He was pretty positive that Harry wanted the holiday to go by as smoothly as possible, and Louis knew that meant neither of them would try and cause a fuss, but he hadn’t planned to go out of his way to be involved. Did Harry want him to be involved?

“If it didn’t matter to him why would he be going home?”

“You know it’s never that simple. Relationships with family are always messy.”

“Especially when love is conditional.”

“ _Especially_ then,” Louis agreed. He blew out a breath. “I was thinking of proposing, you know.”

“I know. Niall told me you went ring shopping with him.”

“That fucker can never shut his mouth can he?”

“Honestly, I’m more offended you didn’t invite me along,” Zayn said.

“Niall and Harry have similar taste. But yeah, I was thinking of proposing. I just know that Harry is the one, you know?”

Zayn was quiet and Louis turned his head to look at him. His face was carefully blank, as if he was weighing his words. Louis looked back at the shirts in front of him. All of the ones in this pile were no good.

“You two are good together,” Zayn said. “I was worried originally, that he wasn’t serious about you, and that you were just clinging to someone pretty after everything. And if you had told me a year ago that you were going to propose to him I’d have stepped in. I mean, I had my own issues with you guys moving in together so quick, but you guys really, _really_ work.”

“Is this you giving me your blessing to propose?”

“Something like that, yeah. But also just to say out loud that it’s a good idea so incase you start to think otherwise you can remember that I at least support you.”

Louis opened his mouth to answer but he clicked it closed when he heard the front door open. He put down the shirt he was worrying with his hands. “Hey, babe! I’m in the bedroom with Zayn.”

“That doesn’t sound dirty,” Zayn muttered and Louis shoved him again, causing him to laugh.

Harry didn’t answer and Louis frowned, turning towards the bedroom door, waiting for him to appear. He heard Harry moving towards him and he traded a look with Zayn. That wasn’t how Harry normally acted when he got home, and Zayn seemed to realize just how much the stress was getting to Harry.

“Babe?” Louis asked again just as Harry came into view, still dressed in his coat, wearing a beanie.

He didn’t look happy. His eyes were sad and nervous and vulnerable and it broke Louis’ heart. Louis felt Zayn shift besides him and he stepped forward.

Harry reached up and took off his beanie. It made Louis stop in his tracks. Harry’s hair had gotten down to almost his shoulders over the last year. It hadn’t been easy getting to that point, there had been that awkward phase as it was growing out and Louis remembered all too well the nervousness Harry had had about looking professional in the beginning. But once it had passed that phase Harry had started to wear it with pride.

It was gone now. He’d cut it off, shorter than he’d even had when they’d first met.

Harry shifted, eyes glued to his feet. “What do you think?”

Louis didn’t know what to say. “Oh, Harry.”

Harry finally looked up and Louis could see that his eyes were rimmed with red. “The long hair would be a red flag. Only gays and hippies have long hair, dad always said.” He reached up and touched the ends of his hair.

So many things were crossing through Louis’ hair. Harry had worked so hard on his hair. He’d loved it so much and been so proud of it. He’d just bought fancy new shampoo and conditioner, and he had a drawer full of scrunchies because those were coming back in fashion and Harry liked to use them to put his hair up. It was a talking point with people, and Louis could think of so many times they’d been stopped on the street, or in a store, with people complementing Harry on his hair.

“You look like Leo from Romeo and Juliet,” Zayn said, cutting through the silence.

Harry looked at him, but instead of laughter like the comment might normally have brought about, Harry’s lower lip trembled and he ducked his head. Louis swung towards Zayn, both of them sharing a look of terror before they sprung into action: Zayn quickly vacating the room to give them privacy, and Louis rushing over to Harry to wrap him up in a hug as he dissolved into tears.

“It’s so stupid to be this upset,” Harry said while crying against Louis’ shoulders. “It’s just hair.”

“No, no, no,” Louis said, cuddling him and pulling him towards the bed. “It’s not stupid.”

“I just don’t want them to say something,” he whispered. “Or yell at me.”

Louis didn’t want that either. He didn’t want anything bad to happen to Harry. “They won’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

No. Louis didn’t. He just squeezed Harry tighter. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to get through this and then we’ll be home.”

Harry shook as he let out another sob. “I didn’t want to cut my hair but I just kept hearing what they’d say and it terrifies me.”

“It’s just hair. It’ll grow back.”

Those words didn’t seem to make Harry feel better. “I know, but I shouldn’t have to!” He pulled back to look at Louis. “I shouldn’t have to cut it off, but they’ll cause such a fuss, and they’ll make so many comments, and mom would just threaten to cut it off.”

“We don’t have to go,” Louis said, mind racing with how to make this better. “We can just stay here. What are they going to do? Drive down here and drag you back to them kicking and screaming?”

Harry’s face was streaked with tears and he reached up to rub his eyes. “But I don’t,” he let out a shaky sigh. “I don’t want to lose them. I just don’t want them to… be involved in my life if they’re going to hate me.”

“It’s tough,” Louis acknowledged. He grabbed hold of Harry’s wrists and tugged him back into Louis’ space. “I’ll support you with whatever you choose. But I just wanted to remind you that we don’t have to go.”

Harry shook his head before tucking it back into Louis’ shoulder. “If we go now maybe I’ll be able to get out of a lot of other things in the future.”

Louis wasn’t sure that was how that would work out, but he wasn’t going to bring that up now. He wrapped his arms around Harry and rocked him for a moment. His hand trailed up Harry’s neck and he pet his fingers through the short hair at the nape of Harry’s neck. He felt Harry shudder against him, still shaking with tears.

“I still think you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen,” he whispered.

He thought he heard Harry laugh softly. “Thanks.”

Louis sighed. This was going to be rougher than he had anticipated.


	14. Chapter 14

Harry was wearing a polo shirt. It was dark blue, and the color of it was just off with the blue of his jeans in a way Harry usually would never allow. He sat in the driver seat of the car with both hands on the wheel, alternating between gripping the wheel tight enough to turn his knuckles white, and clearly trying to relax them. He’d been doing that since they crossed the border into Connecticut.

After checking with Harry on what what appropriate - and ignoring his “whatever you want, Lou, don’t try too hard on my account” - Louis had decided against any of his hoodies to at least try and look somewhat polished. Wearing jeans for the trip wasn’t his favorite choice but his alternative was one of the pressed dress pants he’d brought along and that just would not fly.

Louis reached over and put his hand on Harry’s knee. Harry jolted and took one hand off the wheel.

“How much longer do you think we have?” Louis asked.

Harry didn’t have the GPS on and Louis had lost track of where they were after they crossed through New York City. “Only about fifteen or so minutes. Once we get off the highway it’s not that far.”

Louis hummed, his mind turning over something Zayn had said. “Long enough for me to ask a question?”

“Is the question if we can go back home?” Harry was clearly trying for casual but it came off as scared.

Louis gave him a look even though Harry couldn’t quite see it. “I told you I’d come, so I’m here and i’m not backing out. My question was if you thought I should lie when your parents ask me what I do for living.”

Harry’s hands flexed on the steering wheel. “I- I mean? Do you want to? I don’t want to force you-”

“Cause I understand that you don’t want to come out to them, but I realize I don’t know for sure if they’ll… react poorly to me too.”

“I don’t know the answer to that,” Harry said. “And I can’t make that decision for you. If you don’t feel safe telling them I understand. If you feel like it’s something you need to say, then I support you.”

“If they throw a fit about me maybe we can duck out of this whole thing early.”

Harry’s lips twitched into a smile even as his knuckles went white as he clenched the wheel. “Yeah maybe. I’m sure they’ll be polite and just talk shit about you behind your back.”

“Well if that’s the case,” Louis frowned and looked out the window at the barren trees and the trucks on the highway. It was very grey.

“It’s shit, I know,” Harry said. “And they’re not nice people. They’re polite, and my mom plays a great host but…” he trailed off.

“Nice people aren’t homophobic?”

“Nice people aren’t a lot of things my parents are, yeah,” Harry agreed.

They fell into silence as Harry turned off the highway. Louis supposed if this was a normal drive, to a normal Christmas celebration, they’d be chatting, and Harry would be pointing out things for Louis to see. Not that there was much to be seen. The neighborhood they were in was mostly trees, with all of the houses tucked away from the street.

They turned a corner and the barren trees around them got denser, and the paved road turned into gravel as Harry pulled up into what Louis could only guess was the start of a very long driveway. The house he saw in the distance, through the break in the trees, was large, white, and in the slowly setting sun, Louis could see was decorated with tasteful looking lights. It was surrounded by an immaculate, if not browning, yard.

Louis whistled as Harry pulled off the driveway and into _another_ driveway, parking the car in front of a three car detached garage. No one came running out and Louis took a moment to get his barrings, looking around at the two story garage, then back towards the house, and finally at the open land all around them.

“I’m pretty sure this little driveway is bigger than our whole apartment.”

Harry laughed. It was loud and clear and bright and it filled up the silence of the car that had been hanging over them the whole drive up here. “It’s so big isn’t it?”

They took their time getting out of the car, and Harry checked his hair once more in the window of the car before he nodded to Louis. They made the trek from where they’d parked to the front door and Louis was surprised when instead of just going in Harry pressed the doorbell.

“Mom likes to greet people. Walking in uninvited is rude,” Harry explained when he saw Louis’ face.

Louis arched his eyebrow but he was stopped from saying anything by the door opening. A tall woman with warm brown hair in a fashionable bob cut stood in front of them dressed in a bright red sweater.

“Harry! You made it.” She smiled as she reached for him, her manicured nails immediately reaching for his hair. “I love your hair. You look so handsome.”

Harry went stiffly into her embrace as she prattled on about how much she’d missed him, and how he needed to come home more often. She finally paused after hugging him and she made eye contact with Louis.

“And you must be Louis.” She stepped towards him and extended her hand. “I’m sorry for your loss. It must be so tough.”

Louis glanced at Harry, who winced, but he took her hand and gave it a polite shake. “It’s… been alright. Harry has been helping.”

His mother smiled. “Was it sudden?”

Another glance towards Harry and Louis tried as stealthily as possible to drop her hand. “Yes.”

Her face morphed into something somewhat sympathetic and she nodded. “That’s very awful. I’m glad that we are able to open our home to you in your time of need. I’m Elaine, in case Harry didn’t tell you.” She stepped back. “Here, come in. I’ll let you drop your things upstairs Harry. Your father is in his office. He wants you to look over the speech he has prepared for tomorrow.”

The house was spacious and beautifully put together. Louis counted two different Christmas trees before they even made it to the stairs and he tried to catch Harry’s eye to ask what the hell anyone needed multiple trees for.

“We haven’t changed your room yet, Harry. It’s just been so busy,” Elaine was saying as she opened the door to a bedroom.

“It’s fine, I’m sure me and Louis will be able to make due,” Harry said as he edged past her and put his bag on the bed.

“What are you talking about?” She asked. “You two can’t share a room, there’s only one bed. No, Louis will be staying in the guest house.”

“The _guest house_ ,” Louis repeated, only vaguely paying attention as he took in the decorations in Harry’s bedroom. He’d painted the walls a soothing blue, but covered them with band posters, as well as a few _choices_ , that Louis was filing away to tease him about later.

Harry spun around, eyes wide. “But Andrew stays in the guest house.”

“Well, yes, usually. But since you told us your friend was coming we thought he would prefer the privacy over Andrew and Allison.” Elaine seemed to catch herself that she was talking about Louis as if he wasn’t there and turned to smile at him. “Harry’s older brother Andrew and his family usually stay in the guest house, but it was an easy fix to put them in here.”

Louis arched his eyebrow, but nodded. “That’s fine.” With the way Harry’s eyes were still wide he had a feeling that wasn’t what Harry had wanted. Louis had to admit it would make sneaking in to see Harry much more difficult. “But you really don’t need to put anyone out on my account, Louis said with a smile. “You can just put me in a closet if you want.”

Elaine continued to give him that bland smile while he caught Harry’s eye from behind her. He looked mortified. “And why would we do that?” Harry rubbed his hand over his face and Louis had to bite back his laugh. “Here, I’ll show you to the guest house.”

Louis hung back so he could walk besides Harry back down the stairs and outside. “A guest house,” he whispered.

“I can’t believe you said you could stay in the closet,” Harry whispered back, but he was laughing.

Louis would usually grab his hand at this point, giving him a comforting squeeze, but he couldn’t risk that here. “I thought I was funny.”

“You always are, but no one here will appreciate it.”

“At least I made you laugh,” Louis winked at him and Harry gave him a beautiful smile. “Now. I want to know the heterosexual explanation you gave your parents for why that Green Bay Packers player’s poster is right above your bed.”

Harry nudged him with his shoulder, blushing. “I am a very big Aaron Rodger’s fan for the way he plays the sport.”

“Of course you are.”

“Didn’t you see the poster of some Maxim bikini model I covered up with most of my Fleetwood Mac posters?” Louis snorted. “I stole it from Andrew’s room. They thought I was _shy_.”

“Very shy.” He reached up to rub Harry’s hair but stopped when Harry flinched and looked up at his mom who was headed back outside. Louis dropped his hand. “Sorry.”

Harry opened his mouth to say something, but then stopped, just nodding instead. “The guest house isn’t too bad. Maybe I’ll be able to stay out there with you.”

“Harry, hurry up. It’s cold,” his mother said, interrupting them.

Louis gave Harry a private smile. “It’ll be okay.”

“It’ll be okay.”


	15. Chapter 15

Harry’s father’s name was Richard and he inspired Louis’ fight or flight response. It wasn’t that Louis was scared of him consciously, he looked him in the eye, and shook his hand, and made small talk as the four of them got into the car to drive to the restaurant Harry’s parents were taking them for dinner, no it was entirely subconsciously. Louis recognized enough in him to know that he was not an ally. He was someone to be avoided. And instead he was sitting in the backseat of the luxury car the man drove, listening to him talk at Harry about his election.

Louis looked out the windows and watched the lights of the neighborhood go by. At the very least the area Harry had grown up in was very much in the spirit of Christmas. It was a shame he couldn’t reach over and hold Harry’s hand while they drove around.

“Oh Louis, you aren’t allergic to anything are you?” Elaine asked as they pulled into the restaurant parking lots.

“Or one of those vegans,” Richard said with a laugh before Louis could answer. 

Louis caught Harry’s eye in the darkness of the parking lot and Harry gave him a small shake of the head. Right then. His parents were also apparently unaware their son was as much of a vegan as a fish eater could be. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry, Elaine.”

“The girls these days like their boys to be more slender,” Elaine said to her husband, putting her hand on his bicep. “Healthy and active.”

Louis and Harry traded another look as the car pulled up to the valet and their doors were opened for them. Louis had only been to a restaurant this nice once, for a fundraising event, so he made sure to watch Harry in how he should move. 

It was all thrown out the window when Elaine let out a happy cry of, “Donna!” and Harry froze. Elaine embraced another woman who was wearing her greying hair proudly, looking more vibrant and alive than Louis had seen so far. “It’s so good to see you! How is everyone?”

“We’re so good. Jenny’s finally come back for Christmas.”

Louis’ eyes were darting between Elaine’s bright, sparkling excitement, and the way Harry’s face was slowly going pale. 

“Well we _have_ to catch up,” Elaine was saying. She waved at the host, and somehow managed to convey that they would be sitting together. 

Louis looked over to the two people Donna was with and couldn’t say he was surprised to see _Jenny_ was an attractive woman around their age. He leaned over to Harry as Elaine followed Donna and the host. “So how bad is this going to be?”

“Lou,” Harry whined his name low enough that it made Louis perk up, taking note of just how panicked his boyfriend was. 

He narrowed his eyes. “Do you need me to cause a scene? I will get us out of here.” Harry’s face was still pale as he looked at Louis, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. Louis nodded. “Right. I’m on it.”

He didn’t know what he would do, but he knew he was going to be putting on the charm to draw attention away from Harry as much as possible. 

The seven of them sat at the table, Louis making sure he was next to Harry in case he needed to make a get away. Elaine and Donna managed to control most of the conversation while they looked at their menus, but after that Elaine turned and narrowed her gaze on Jenny, seated on the other side of Harry.

“So what’s new with you?” Elaine asked. “Still working on your doctorate at Stanford?”

Louis had to lean over to watch Jenny nod, smiling just a little too shy to be real. She had clearly learned at one point that being humble about her intelligence favored her more than being honest. “I finished over the fall, actually, and I just accepted a position teaching at MIT. I’ll be starting in the spring semester.”

“But that’s so close! You’ll be able to visit more often,” Elaine cut her eyes over to Harry. “Unless you turn into a workaholic like Harry here. He never once managed to take time off to visit us. I almost had to call Wayne to get him time off for Christmas.”

“Are you working for Wayne then?” Donna’s husband asked. “Writing big speeches for senators?”

Louis bit his lip. He supposed it made sense Harry hadn’t told his parents he’d quit his job. Double so if they were friends with whoever he had been working for. 

Harry managed to look put together and not panicking as he lied. “Well I wasn’t writing the speeches until recently, mostly I just fact check and copy edit. There’s a lot of research in my job.”

“He’s honestly lucky he remembers to eat most nights,” Louis cut over him with his most charming smile. He reached over and grabbed a piece of bread because dammit there was bread and butter in the middle of the table and no one was touching it. 

“Thanks to you,” Harry agreed, and a smile broke through on his face.

 _Gay_ , Louis’ mind supplied and he could see the calculation on Donna’s husband’s face.

“I’m sorry, I think our introductions got lost,” he addressed Louis. 

“I’m Louis, Harry’s roommate. My mom died last year and we’d made plans to drown our sorrows together but he got invited home and well?” He shrugged taking a bite of the bread, maintaining eye contact as he chewed, before continuing. “He was nice enough to invite me back here so I wouldn’t be alone for Christmas or my birthday. I was an absolute wreck last year.”

Harry’s minute smile that he was trying to hide as the only thing that kept Louis going. That and the way everyone else’s faces dropped at the news, and reminder, that he had a dead mom, so they had to be nice to him.

Donna collected herself first. “Do you work with Harry and Wayne?”

Louis smiled, making sure to be as nonchalant as possible. He could see how Harry was tensing, but he knew this was important. He could show no fear. People like this preyed on the fear. “I’m a director at Rainbow Heart Pathways. It’s a gay youth center. I make sure we get the funding we need to supply beds to the homeless LGBT youth and other support systems they need.”

He was able to eat another piece of bread during the silence. 

“I didn’t realize they hired straight men to be directors of those places,” Elaine said carefully. 

“They tend not to,” Louis agreed with a nod. 

The silence that fell over the table would be delicious if Louis couldn’t tell that it was breaking Harry’s heart.

Someone cleared their throat and Jenny spoke up. “I think that’s fascinating. How did you get involved with that?”

“My mom volunteered there once she found out I was gay. She thought it was bullshit that there were kids out there who weren’t supported and she wanted to be there for them.”

More silence fell around the table and Louis smiled. He was going to fill up on bread if he kept eating it passive aggressively but it was a good way to distract his fingers.

“The Payne’s would probably love to talk to you,” Elaine managed to say, her voice slightly choked. “What with _Liam_ and everything.”

“I think I saw them here,” Richard finally spoke for the first time, turning in his seat to look around. Louis had a feeling he was just trying not to look at him.

“It’s so funny, isn’t it Harry? You and Liam were best friends growing up too,” Donna said it serenely but Louis could hear the fishing comment.

 _Too far_.

Louis was never clumsy, and so trying to knock over the wine glass was probably a mistake, because hitting his wine glass sent it flying into Harry’s, where they both shattered on impact, spilling white wine all over the table, and down onto Harry’s shirt.

They both jumped up and Louis threw a napkin onto Harry’s lap. “Shit, Harry. I’m _so_ sorry, let me just,” he grabbed Harry’s wrist and dragged him away from the table and his family.

There was a buzzing in Louis’ ears as he got Harry into the bathroom - blissfully alone - and it took him calming down to realize it was Harry’s panic laughing.

“Holy shit,” Harry said. “You just _said it_.” His eyes were wide and wild and green and Louis had no idea what he was talking about for a moment. “You just said it and they were completely stunned.”

Louis blinked and it all came rushing towards him. “Yeah. I mean. It shut them up about you, right?”

Harry nodded and looked down at his soaked pants. “It did.”

“Well up until what’s her face made the connection of you hanging out with two gay kids.”

Harry frowned as he patted his crotch. “You didn’t need to spill wine on me.”

“Were you ready to answer that question?” Harry shook his head. “Are you emotionally attached to those pants?” This time Harry was smiling a little as he shook his head. “Then it’s fine.”

Louis was surprised when Harry leaned forward quickly to give him a quick kiss. “My hero,” he whispered.

He blinked a few times as Harry went over to the sink and ran water over his napkin. “You just?”

Harry hummed, and smiled at him through the mirror. “I wouldn’t be able to go all week without doing it.”

“I’m guessing it’s not easy to sneak into the guest house?”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Impossible.”

Louis leaned against the sink basin, crossing his arms over his chest. “So. Jenny.”

Harry’s face shifted. “Don’t remind me.”

“High school girlfriend?”

“We dated senior year and I took her to prom. We broke up when she left for Stanford. My mother has been _devastated_ ever since.”

Louis couldn’t help the curl of his lips. “Why?”

“Because Jenny’s parents are one of the most respected families in this towns and me marrying her would have been a great status boost.” Harry put the napkin down. “She wasn’t the nicest to Liam.”

“Neither were you.”

“Yeah but I’m-” he cut himself off from saying anything out loud.

Louis shrugged. “She could be too. It doesn’t give either of you a pass. But I was trying to say people grow up and learn things.”

Harry nodded and took a step back. “Okay. I think food is probably here and we’ve hidden long enough.”

“Your parents probably think I’m defiling you and taking your gay virginity,” Louis said, nodding as sagely as he could.

Harry rolled his eyes and Louis was glad that he still had his sense of humor. They both turned towards the door right as it opened, revealing-

“Liam!” Harry said.

The man standing in the doorway had his brown hair pulled back out of his face and the biggest, softest, puppy eyes Louis had ever seen. Those puppy eyes widened in surprise and he looked… shocked and apprehensive. “Harry.” His puppy eyes glided over to Louis and his face changed as he looked back to Harry. He was looking calculating, and Louis knew he of all people would put it together immediately.

Louis waved. “Louis.” He pointed to Harry. “His roommate. Dead mom, spending Christmas with him so I won’t be alone. And now we’re all caught up.” He put his hand on Harry’s elbow, and Liam’s eyes locked onto the movement. Louis internally groaned. Oh well. If it was going to be anyone who figured out their secret it would be the only other openly gay man.

Liam didn’t move.

Louis stopped before they barrelled into him, and then they were in a stand off. All three of them sizing one another up. Louis couldn’t help the way he looked between Harry and Liam, his mind playing over what he knew about them. Harry had said that he’d never come out to Liam, but that Liam had known in the way Harry had known about Liam.

He wondered…

“You look good,” Liam finally said, nodding a little. “Happy.” He smiled, and it was a little strained, but Louis could see that he had a good smile. “I’m glad.”

“You too,” Harry whispered. “You look good, and happy.”

Liam’s smile got a little more strained. “I’m working on it. Nice meeting you, Louis. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you at more of the events this week.”

He finally stepped aside and headed towards a stall, giving them their freedom.

Louis gave Harry’s elbow one last squeeze before they headed back to their table to finish out this dinner.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just gentle reminder that homophobia will be playing a part in these chapters and it will take all different forms, from casual homophobia to outright homophobia. Harry’s brother is an asshole and he will not be getting better I’m sorry to say.

Walking from the guest house to the main house for breakfast sucked. Louis hated having to get dressed before he’d had food but he wasn’t going to make the trek in his pajamas. And then there was the fact he had to knock on the front door and then wait to be let in because just walking in was rude.

Harry was cooking when he got into the kitchen, listening to his father talk.

“Morning,” Harry said. “I’m making omelettes, do you want one?”

“Sure, thanks,” Louis said, wondering where he was supposed to sit. There was a kitchen table that Richard and Elaine were sitting at, but there were also chairs at the island close to where Harry was cooking. 

“Your brother will be here soon. He texted us that they were leaving around 6:30.” Elaine said, cutting in at a moment Richard was taking a breath. “The drive will hopefully not be too difficult for the twins.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Richard said.

“It’s just so long since they moved. If they were coming from the city it would have been much shorter.”

Louis saw the way Harry’s back tensed at the news his brother was coming and he wanted nothing more than to have a couple minutes just to talk to Harry. He reached into his pocket for his phone and subtly sent him a text.

_you okay?_

He heard the buzz of Harry getting a text and watched him check it. Harry looked at him and shook his head before he texted back, once he was sure his parents weren’t looking. 

_Andrew and my parents are really hard to deal with._

_Need me to handle him?_

Harry put Louis’ plate down in front of him without checking his phone. It was weird, not being able to lean up to give his boyfriend a kiss in exchange for breakfast being made for him.

Harry’s brother and his family arrived as Louis was digging into his food, uninvited in of course. Two tiny bodies came running into the kitchen, excited child chatter along with them.

Elaine jumped. “Oh. You didn’t knock.”

“You wouldn’t have heard anyway,” a male voice said following the children.

Louis took in the man who must have been Andrew. He looked similar to Harry, except if Harry wore his hair cropped much much closer to his head. The children were cute at least: a girl and a boy around maybe eight or nine, definitely old enough to be in control of their limbs and comfortable enough to be talking a mile a moment. 

“Children, you need to use your indoor voices,” Elaine said, raising her voice just enough to be heard over the chaos that was following. 

Louis was pretty sure that Harry’s brother had introduced himself, said hi to Harry, and also yelled for his wife all while his kids continued to run around, looking for the toys they seemed to swear were down here, but didn’t seem to be anymore.

“Let them run off their energy,” Andrew’s wife said. “They were in the car for so long. The freedom will be good for them.”

“Don’t they get enough freedom up in New Hampshire?” Richard asked. He sounded polite but Louis thought there might be some passive aggressiveness there.

His phone buzzed and he checked it, since no one was paying attention to him.

_Mom and Dad are mad Andrew and Allison retired early and moved Keightlynne and Brayden up to New Hampshire where they started a gift basket business and are homeschooling the kids_

_Keightlynne and Brayden????_

_Don’t judge my niece and nephew for their parent’s poor life choices please._

Louis didn’t judge them. He just felt bad for them. And that sympathy only grew when Brayden turned to his mom and asked - rather politely considering he wasn’t whining or screaming, “Can we please go play outside?”

She dismissed him with a wave of her hand as she was pulling wrapped presents from her bag.

“No one is going to watch you and I don’t want you getting lost.”

Louis perked up even as Brayden’s face fell. “I’m sure me and Harry could-“

He was cut off by Richard announcing over everyone, “Harry as soon as you’re finished eating I want you in my office. We have to go over the speech I’m giving tonight.”

Hadn’t they done enough of that last night? Louis had to wonder.

All eyes were suddenly on him it felt. Keightlynne and Brayden were looking at him as if he were the answers to all of their problems while Andrew and his wife were clearly trying to figure out who the hell he was.

Louis smiled at Keightlynne and Brayden. “I can do it myself then. What do you guys like to play?”

Before either of them could launch into what they liked - and he could tell they were excited, Andrew spoke over them. “I really don’t want to put you out. I’m sure watching children isn’t your idea of a vacation.”

“I’m quite good with children actually,” Louis said easily. “Part of the job.”

Andrew’s face contorted. “Parents trust you with their children then?”

The hatred in that statement wasn’t muted no matter how casually it was said. It sat deep in Louis’ gut, a reminder of deep prejudices people had towards gay men and gay men interacting with children. He forced his face to stay completely still even as he heard Harry drop something behind him. 

“ _Andrew_ ,” Harry hissed. “What the fuck?”

“Language!” Elaine snapped right as Andrew said, “I’m just saying what we were all thinking! You know how it can be sometimes!”

“I wouldn’t bring someone home who-!” Harry cut himself off and Louis watched as he turned himself around, his hands gripping the edge of the counter.

Louis continued to smile because he had no other option. The hostility was a lot but what could he do? Pack up and leave Harry here alone?

“I’m going to ignore the implications about me from what you just said and assume they come from a place of concern of your own children because you don’t know me. We’ll start again.” Louis could tell from the way Andrew’s face was getting red that the patronizing tone he’d taken wasn’t appreciated but he’d realized he’d overstepped. “I’m Louis, Harry’s roommate. Harry can vouch for me that I work with children - mostly teenagers, but sometimes kids younger. It seems to me that your kids want to go outside and play. Since everyone else seems busy and I’m not doing anything I will gladly watch them while they play outside.”

There was an awkward silence in the room that Louis wasn’t sure could ever be recovered from.

Finally Andrew’s wife spoke up, clearly hesitant. “If you’re sure you’re fine watching them then I suppose there’s no harm in it.”

Louis turned his smile on the twins, who both looked uncomfortable. He could hazard a guess they didn’t fully understand what was going on but were smart enough to pick up the tension. “Do you like to play any sports?”

Brayden and Keightlynne traded a look, and then Brayden spoke. “I like basketball, Keightlynne likes soccer.”

“Good choices,” Louis said with a nod. “If we find a ball we could play either one of those. I’m quite good at both.”

He picked up his plate and put it in the sink, standing next to Harry as he did so. Harry, who seemed frozen in shock and horror. Who looked at Louis so incredibly guilt ridden. He gave him a smile, but didn’t reach out to touch him.

It wasn’t until he was outside, the twins showing him where the basketball hoop was, that he thought to check his phone.

 _I’m so sorry_ , Harry had texted to him.

_Your brother is a piece of shit_

_I know. I talked to him._ Louis did not envy Harry being part of that conversation. _I’m so so sorry you had to deal with that_

“Louis,” Keightlynne said. “Can you lower the hoop for us?”

Louis put his phone away. “I thought you said you were fine with it taller?” He teased, even as he moved to lower the hoop for them. At least the kids weren’t assholes. That was nice.


	17. Chapter 17

The morning and early afternoon had been redeemed mildly by Keightlynne and Brayden being overall delightful. Louis was only slightly disappointed when they were called inside and he had to overhear their mom telling Elaine that she wouldn’t be taking the kids to the event tonight, since it wasn’t “kid appropriate”. He was pretty sure he would have enjoyed watching them more than whatever was supposed to happen tonight.

“Wear the green shirt,” Harry said quietly as Louis headed back to the guest house to get changed.

Louis arched an eyebrow, but followed Harry’s request, and was pleased to see that Harry was wearing the same shirt as him, but in a similar blue instead. No one else would notice, no doubt, but Louis felt fuzzy in his stomach knowing that they were a matching set.

The event turned out to be like the night before, just with more people, schmoozing with each other. Louis wished that he and Harry had been able to drive alone together, but since Allison and the kids hadn’t joined them, Elaine had insisted all five of them could fit in one car.

(They could not. Harry had sat squashed between Louis and Andrew in the backseat because luxury cars apparently had no backseats space. It had been awkward, and Richard had just talked, and talked to Harry the entire time, drilling him on policy and speech points. If Andrew wasn’t a homophobic dick Louis would have loved to trade looks with him over the absolute ridiculousness of the situation.)

“Let me just say hello to a few people, dad,” Harry said, eyes darting around. “And then I’ll come back and meet Guttman and the others with you.”

Richard had a death grip on Harry’s arm and Louis had to wonder why he relied on his son so much, but he immediately squashed that train of thought. The last thing he wanted to do was play psychologist with the man. “Don’t take too long, the donors hate it when people are late.” He looked at Louis, for only a second, but it was enough to let Louis know that if Harry wasn’t there, Richard was going to blame him.

They were then allowed to escape, carefully winding their way through the throngs of people until Harry found a standing table to lean against, and finally catch his breath.

“I don’t think I can do this,” he whispered. “He just won’t let me get a moment to myself. He wants to go over everything, and then go over it again, and he keeps asking me about work, and how Wayne would handle this.”

Louis looked around before he put what he hoped was a heterosexual looking hand on Harry’s elbow. “It’s only a couple more nights. And then we’ll be home.”

“It feel like he knows and he’s trying to keep me away from you because he thinks it’ll fix it.” Harry looked at him with his beautiful green eyes and Louis’ heart broke a little because he couldn’t solve this.

He swallowed. “Me too.” He looked away before he dropped his hand. If they were being watched he had definitely exceeded his heterosexual touching quota. “Who knows, if he knows maybe he just wants you to adopt a don’t ask, don’t tell type of policy.”

Harry didn’t laugh like Louis thought he might. “Somehow that would be worse than him not knowing. If he doesn’t know I can at least pretend that he just doesn’t notice, and there’s still a chance he might… still love me when he finds out. But if he already knows and he’s acting like this…”

Fuck the appropriate amount of heterosexual touching, Harry needed a hug.

Louis stepped closer to him right as someone called out, “Harry! Hey Harry!”

They both froze, and looked towards the voices. Two men, a woman, and Jenny, were coming towards them. They all looked like yuppies, dressed up for the night with their slicked back hair.

“Ryan. Brandon. Maria. Hey,” Harry said. He didn’t step back from Louis.

“Haven’t seen you since you moved,” Ryan-or-Brandon said. He had dark brown hair, the other had light brown hair. “How you been, buddy?”

“Good, good.” Harry slipped into his business smile. “Just working a lot.” He caught himself as his head swung around to look at Louis. “This is my roommate, actually. Louis.”

Ryan-or-Brandon looked at him, and inclined his head in a manly way. Louis returned the gesture, hoping that the mocking wasn’t overt.

“Charmed,” he said, though he made sure to give a slightly less hostile smile at the other three. Jenny, at least, deserved points for not being horrible yesterday.

Because life was unfair, before anything else could be said Andrew appeared at Harry’s side. “Dad’s looking for you. Guttman’s car just showed up.”

Harry gave an apologetic smile to the table and Louis really, really wanted to squeeze his hand for good luck. It looked like they both would need it.

Not a moment after Harry was out of ear shot, Ryan-or-Brandon leaned in all casual. “So how did you and Harry end up roommates?”

Louis fucking hated that these people clearly knew more about him than he knew about them, and the guilty look on Jenny’s face told him that she had either been the one to tell Ryan-or-Brandon that he was gay, or hadn’t done a good job of stopping it from coming up.

This was fine.

He held up his finger and beckoned a waiter over who was carrying a glass of wine, downed the glass, and then let his finger drop. “My mom died.”

Was it the truth? No.

Was he horrible for using his mother’s death as a weapon? Probably. But it was _his_ grief dammit and considering Ryan-or-Brandon’s face dropped in horror at his statement, he was going to use it to make people feel as uncomfortable as possible for being invasive fucks.

“Left me up shit’s creek to be completely honest. Harry was nice enough to step in.”

The other Ryan-or-Brandon shifted uncomfortably, and honestly fuck him too. “Sorry for your loss.”

Louis shrugged. Let them think he was a disaster, but they better feel fucking guilty about it while they did. “Not like you can bring her back, can you?”

Jenny looked around, and Maria followed suit, clearly trying to find something else to change the topic about.

“I’m surprised to see Liam here,” Maria said, and Louis just _knew_ this was gonna end well.

“Yeah with that gay ponytail,” Ryan-or-Brandon said.

“Wow,” Louis said, Maria and Jenny stared at him with wide eyes, and they spoke over each other trying to absolve Ryan-or-Brandon of what he had just said.

“It’s just a joke.”

“We always said that in high school.”

“Fucking wow,” Louis said, stepping back. He was lucky that the wine was probably weak as shit since he’d downed it so quick. “In fucking 2020. You hate to see it.”

He made a bee-line for Liam, and he checked to make sure they saw him do so. He felt bad, because Liam was talking with two older people, holding a glass of alcohol, and he just grabbed the poor man by his elbow and dragged him away.

“Come be gay with me outside,” he snapped.

“What in the-?” Liam asked, his head darting around, before he settled on something and then breathed out, “oh. You met Ryan.”

“Is he the dark haired fucker? Cause, yeah. I did.” 

Liam tugged his arm free and kept pace with Louis, heading towards the large doors on the side, that opened up onto a patio.

It was cold outside, but near the edge of the patio were heated lamps that were turned on, meant to allow people to stay outside. Louis leaned against the stone wall of the patio and looked out into the dark. They stood there in silence, and Louis realized he didn’t actually know what he wanted to say to Liam. There was no reason Liam should even care to talk to him. They didn’t know anything about each other. The only thing they had in common was that they were openly gay, and despite what other people thought that wasn’t something to base a friendship on.

“So. You and Harry,” Liam said.

“Are roommates yes.”

Liam hummed and Louis knew he didn’t believe him but Louis _was not_ going to do that to Harry. Liam let the silence between stay there long enough to start getting uncomfortable, and Louis started to fidget. “I’m surprised he’d be friends with a gay man, considering what he said about me in high school.”

Louis sucked in a breath. They were doing this then. He supposed that’s what he got for dragging Liam outside. “He mentioned to me what happened.”

“Did he,” Liam said. “That’s surprising. What did he tell you?”

“That someone on your basketball team found out you were gay and outted you to the school. And when Harry got asked about it he ditched you to stay liked by the rest of the school.”

Liam nodded and looked out over the golf course. “Yeah. Yeah he did.” He took a long drink and winced.

“If it makes you feel any better I told him he was a dick and if you wanted to punch him in the face it would be within his rights.”

Liam laughed, clearly surprised. “Did you really?”

“Of course I did. I love the boy but I have to call him on his shit. It’s the only way it works.”

Louis’ throat caught as he realized what he just said. Liam was looking at him. His eyes were softer. “I thought so.”

Whatever Louis was about to say to confirm or deny Liam’s thoughts was cut off by the door closing. Louis looked back and couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Harry coming out.

“Your dad let you go already?” He asked in surprise. 

Harry was frowning and rubbing his arms against the chill until he got to where they were standing and the warmth of the lamp post. “I couldn’t find you, and I panicked.” He looked at Liam. “I’m guessing Ryan and them are still giant assholes?”

Louis laughed. “Yeah they are and I’m not getting paid enough to deal with all of that so I just found Liam and we’ve been talking. I was telling him how if he wanted to punch you, I’d support it,” Louis said. 

Harry looked nervous as he swayed closer to Louis. Louis froze, unsure what was going to happen, and then Harry took his hand in his, even as he kept his eyes on Liam. Liam watched them, watched their hands, and nodded.

“I’m sorry,” Harry said. His voice was quiet. “For what I said back then.”

Liam’s eyes went hard and Louis squeezed Harry’s hand in support. “Yeah? You said I-“

“I know! I was scared and Ryan was accusing me of being gay because I hadn’t dated a girl yet and people know you’d sleep over my place, and you’d just been shoved down the stairs-“

“I remember, Harry,” Liam cut him off. “But you said you didn’t feel safe around me and _I_ was the one who had to deal with the fucking conversation between our parents about that. _Not you_. Because you were too scared.”

 _Oh_ , Louis thought. Oh, that was why… 

Louis watched Harry’s face. Took in the wince, and the guilt. He gave Harry’s hand a little squeeze for encouragement, a show that he still supported him even though past him made mistakes, but he kept his mouth shut. He knew that there was a good chance Liam wouldn’t forgive Harry, and he hoped that Harry would be able to cope with that.

“I was scared,” Harry said slowly. “I was scared that people would find out I’m gay and they’d treat me like you were being treated. And even worse, I was scared my parents would hate me. I’m _still_ scared my parents will hate me. It doesn’t make what I said right and I carry the guilt of not only ruining our friendship, but causing you that much pain, and hurt, when I could have just stayed quiet. Or better yet, stood up for you.”

Liam bit his lip and alternated between crossing his arms over his chest and shoving them in his pant pockets, back and forth as he swallowed Harry’s apology. He settled on his arms over his chest. “You’re a fucking asshole,” he said. “But I forgive you. Mostly. Really only because you look absolutely pathetic and I remember being scared.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “And my therapist is probably right that if our places had been reversed I would have thrown you under the bus too because teenagers’ brains are wired to want to belong.”

“Don’t I fucking know it,” Louis muttered, unable to stop himself.

Liam’s eyes darted to him. “Some people never grow out of it either.”

“If they did my dad wouldn’t be running for mayor,” Harry said.

His tone hung in the air for just a moment before Liam and Louis both started laughing. It filled the cold stillness of the patio.

“My mom still goes to the monthly book club despite the fact everyone hates her, and she hates everyone there,” Liam said. “She claims it’s because if she stops going the bastards win, but I know she secretly wishes she could be accepted again.”

“I’m so sorry,” Harry said, but Liam just shrugged.

“Not my problem, according to my therapist. That’s her choice.”

Somehow the three of them settled against the stone wall, huddled under the warmth of the lamp, conversation flowing between the three of them while the party continued behind him.

“It’s so funny that the first time you move out, you come home with a live-in boyfriend,” Liam said. “It’s very on brand with you.”

Harry was smiling, his entire body loosening up, and it was so beautiful for Louis to see. “Why?”

“Well you always talked about wanting to be in a relationship with _the one_. You know I never had a serious boyfriend. Slutted around in undergrad but honestly med school kills a lot of your social life.”

“Harry’s the first guy I lived with,” Louis said. “You’ll find someone one day, if that’s what you’re looking for of course.”

Their conversation was cut off by the door to the patio opening up.

“There you are!” Elaine’s voice was shrill and the door clicked closed. The three of them spun around and she stormed towards them, only slowing down as she realized who Harry was with. “Why are you out here? Did something happen? Your father said that you just _left_.” Her eyes were darting between Liam and Louis and Harry and her mouth was opening and closing like a fish as she tried to work it out.

“I just wanted to check on Louis,” Harry said, his voice stiff.

“Since my mom is dead,” Louis reminded her. “I get hit with waves of grief, sometimes. Luckily Liam was able to talk to me.”

Harry shot him a disapproving look, it conveyed _stop using your dead mom as an excuse_ and he smiled back at him.

Elaine didn’t seem to like that explanation but then she perked up. “Are you sure you weren’t _matchmaking_?”

Louis looked at Liam who grinned. “I don’t know, Liam’s a doctor. That’s a bit out of my league.”

“Louis has a boyfriend!” Harry said, his voice close to snapping. “Back home.”

Elaine paused, her delight diminishing, and then frowned. “Then why aren’t you with him?”

“His parents are homophobic,” Louis said over Harry. “Like super homophobic. Would disown him if he came out, that whole thing.”

Elaine’s face flickered before it settled on vague sympathy. “That must be so hard. Homophobia is not to be tolerated.”

“It sure isn’t,” Liam said, voice flat. “It’s such a good thing that homophobia isn’t tolerated here.”

She knew the error of her words and she puffed up in defense. “Harry, come on. Your father is waiting. I’m sure your friends will be fine out here alone.”

Louis couldn’t help but salute. “I’ll see you later. Liam will take care of me.” He swore Harry would growl in frustration if his mother weren’t right there. Even she wouldn’t be able to brush off that kind of reaction. “Have fun.”

Him and Liam both waved goodbye, and it wasn’t until the door shut that Liam said, “I hate your mother-in-law.”

“You and me both.”


	18. Chapter 18

“How goes it?” Niall’s voice filled Louis’ pretty empty bedroom.

He’d been brushed off by Harry’s family after they got back from the party, and instead of staying up here, alone, and sulking, he’d decided to stay up here, alone, sulking, with Niall on the phone.

“Well let’s see, his brother accused me of being a pedophile, so that was cool.”

“ _He what_?” Zayn’s voice cut over whatever Niall was saying. “On what grounds?”

“On the grounds I’m a gay man who offered to watch his kids so they could go play because their grandparents hate them and didn’t want them being kids in the house?”

“Fucking hell,” Zayn whined. “How the hell did Harry turn out okay?”

Louis hummed, contemplating for just a moment telling them how hard Harry had worked at being a better person. But he ultimately kept his mouth shut, because it wasn’t his to tell.

“Do you need rescued?” Niall asked. “We’ll come rescue you. It’s only like a five hour drive right?”

“Shorter without traffic,” Zayn agreed.

“That’s exactly what I need, yes,” Louis said. He rolled his eyes. “There’s no way two more gay guys showing up will not completely break their fragile minds.”

“Maybe we can convince them we’re a throuple,” Niall mused. “That would be fun.”

“General reminder that as of right now Harry is still trying to not ruin his relationship with his family, and since I would like to get to married to him one day, I would like to not ruin their relationship with me. What little relationship there is,” he finished as an aside.

“You want to get married to me?” Harry asked and Louis jumped out of his skin.

“Jesus Christ, don’t sneak up on a man like that?” And then Louis’ brain frizzled out because he caught up to what Harry had overheard. “Uhhhh.”

Harry was smiling hesitantly at him and Louis just… couldn’t think.

“Well that’s our cue to leave. Keep us updated!” Niall said and then there was dead air and just the two of them left here.

“How long have you been there?” Louis asked.

“I don’t know, how long have you wanted to marry me?” Harry took a step closer and shut the door.

“Can you forget I said that?”

Harry paused, his face dropping just a bit. “Why? Shouldn’t that be something I’m aware of? So we can plan our future together?”

“But I wanted to surprise you with the ring.” Louis was sad to say but he whined a bit. “You love watching proposal compilations and I’ve been trying to figure out a good way to surprise you. If you know it’s coming then you’ll be onto me anytime I try and do something romantic.”

Harry seemed to relax, and he came closer to Louis. Louis registered that he was bundled up in a coat as he put his hands on Harry’s shoulders. “I can promise you, no matter what you end up doing, I will love it, and I will say yes.”

“Oh,” Louis breathed out, surprised by how surprised he was. He hadn’t fully considered the ramifications of knowing that Harry would tell him _yes_ when he proposed. “You would?”

“Of course!” Harry leaned down and kissed him.

Louis returned the kiss in earnest, pushing his coat off of his shoulders and leaving Harry standing there shirtless. He pulled back. “Why are you shirtless?”

“Well, this was supposed to go a lot differently, and more seductive but I was sneaking over for sex in my childhoodish bed? But it’s cool!” Harry was quick to add. “Honestly finding out you want to marry me is much better than sex.”

“But I thought we were on a sex ban this week? We didn’t even pack any lube!”

Harry grinned, turning to grab his coat and ruffle around in the pockets. “Like I could resist you for a whole week. And don’t worry, I have lube.”

“Since when?” Louis asked but he was already pulling off his shirt because if Harry said he had lube, then he had lube, and this was going to happen.

“I’ve told you, I used to masturbate, even when I was here.” Harry joined him on the bed, kicking off the pajama pants he was wearing.

Louis kissed him again, just so that way he could get Harry onto his back, and snatch the lube from him. He turned his head after he got them in the position he wanted, and he fully saw the bottle. “This is strawberry kiwi flavored,” Louis said.

Harry shrugged. “I like the smell.”

“Why do you have flavored lube here? You don’t it at back home.”

Harry just shrugged again. “You didn’t have any flavored lube so it just never came up. I really just use it for the scent and when I’m with you there’s not been much of a point. My other sense are stimulated.”

Louis looked at him betrayed. “First off, never say stimulated again. Second, oh you sweet, innocent, little thing, Just think of all the _fun_ we can have with this.” He flipped the cap, a smirk coming to his lips as he started to run some of his ideas.

And then he got a whiff of the strawberry kiwi.

It was strong.

It was sweet.

It was overpowering.

And kinda really gross.

Louis coughed. “Oh fuck that’s rank, babe, what the fuck?”

His eyes were stinging from the scent but when he blinked away the tears Harry was _laughing at him_.

“I think it smells nice!”

“It’s way too sweet!” Louis put it up to his nose and took a bigger sniff from it.

“Why would you do that!” Harry asked as he sat up and took the bottle from Louis.

“It’s _so bad_! Why would you want that shoved up your ass?”

“I didn’t use it to _finger myself_. I used it to masturbate!” Harry was still laughing and Louis joined in with the laughter.

“Do you not masturbate by fingering yourself? Did you _lie to me_ about that?”

“Not until recently!”

It was a good thing they were in a whole separate house because they were being loud, shrieking with laughter as Harry threw the bottle away and then collapsed back onto the pillows.

“Come here,” Harry said. “I want cuddles.”

“Not mind blowing sex?” Louis asked, even as he settled himself against Harry, enjoying the skin-to-skin contact.

“I should get back to my room before I get caught,” Harry said.

Louis snuggled his face against Harry’s neck and clung to him. He’d missed being next to Harry, and it had only been one night! Which was ridiculous. He had only been sleeping next to Harry every night for a couple months now, but he knew - and this only proved it - that he wanted to keep doing it for the rest of his life.

“A few more minutes?” He asked, just on the edge of begging.

“A few more minutes,” Harry agreed.


	19. Chapter 19

“Louis,” a voice hissed his name. “Louis, can you come outside with us?”

Louis blinked. There weren’t very good curtains in the guest house, and the light from outside was very bright.

“Mom said that we could play outside before we had to go to the mall only as long as someone watched us.”

Harry stirred next to him and Louis turned his head towards the voice. Keightlynne and Brayden looked back at him, dressed in their coats.

“What?” His voice croaked and they gave him eerily similar disapproving looks.

“Also, Dad is coming upstairs.”

Louis’ brain was slowly catching up as he heard the heavy footsteps of someone coming up the stairs. He shot up, knocking Harry’s arm off of him, and startling him awake. Harry groaned and opened his mouth to complain but Louis threw his hand over Harry’s mouth.

“Your brother is coming, _hide_.” He hissed as he practically shoved Harry off of the bed, away from the door.

Harry went and Louis pulled the blankets up over himself, praying that Keightlynne and Brayden wouldn’t say anything about Harry being in the room with him.

Harry had just rolled off the bed when Andrew came into view, frowning as he saw Louis still in bed, shirtless.

“You weren’t awake.”

Louis’ heart was pounding and he tried to keep a neutral face. “Allison wanted me to watch the kids?”

“Only if you were free,” Andrew said. 

“Just give me a moment to get around and I can,” Louis turned towards the kids. “Want to try another game of HORSE?”

Brayden cheered and Louis’ smile turned genuine.

Andrew looked like he was in the process of sucking on a lemon. He looked around the room, eyes settling on the haphazard way Louis was living out of a suitcase, and the clothes on the floor.

Louis’ stomach dropped as he realized Harry’s clothes were mixed in with them. Would Andrew notice? Had he been paying attention to what Louis had been wearing enough to notice the difference?

“You haven’t seen Harry, have you?” Andrew asked.

Out of the corner of his eye Louis saw Keightlynne glance at the floor, under the bed.

“Not since last night,” Louis lied through his teeth. “Is the car still here?”

“Yeah.” Andrew gave another glance around the room. “Maybe he’s on a walk.”

“If we see him, I’ll tell him you were looking for him.”

Andrew nodded and then ushered his kids out of the room, telling Louis they’d be waiting for him outside and he better hurry. Louis waited until he heard them down the stairs before he got out of bed, and shut the door. When he turned around Harry was crawling out from under the bed.

“Do you think he knows?” Harry asked, panicking. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“If he thinks he knows he can’t find proof,” Louis said, voice calm. He touched Harry’s arm and smiled when Harry leaned into him. “Let’s get dressed. I’ll take the kids away, and you can sneak out in a few minutes and we’ll run into you, how’s that?”

Harry nodded, but he didn’t looked like he was all there. Louis hoped that he’d calm down throughout the day, after a scare like that.

***

It turned out that the kids were more than happy to keep Louis and Harry’s morning cuddle secret, on the condition that Louis brought them to the mall - _forty minutes away_ \- so they could go to the arcade that was there. Louis had been more than happy to do it, even though it would be a nightmare of a drive, but Andrew had overheard, and offered to join them.

Because he didn’t trust Louis with his children. Which would have been fine, Louis _was_ someone he’d just met, but Louis knew why he didn’t trust him and that _wasn’t_ okay. Mostly because that meant Andrew decided to join them at the mall.

And the _forty-five minute_ drive.

At least his kids were cute. That’s what Louis kept repeating to himself as he followed them through the dimly lit arcade. His kids were cute, they didn’t seem to have any desire to out him or Harry, and Louis could handle this.

_I NEED A GIFT FUCK_ Harry’s text read when Louis checked his phone. The reception in the mall was spotty so Louis didn’t know how long ago Harry had sent it. He looked at the kids playing the Luigi’s Mansion game, and then at Andrew who at the very least was smiling at how much fun they were having.

_I’ll pick one up, what are you looking for?_

Louis hated that he had to interact with Andrew but he supposed it would be rude not to tell him where he went. “Hey, Harry needs a gift for the exchange I think. I’m gonna grab him something. Do you mind if I just run out?” He had to pitch his voice louder and it caused Andrew to jump, and then glare at him.

Louis just waved his phone in Andrew’s face.

Andrew glared at it, and then looked back at his kids. “Fine. We’ll wait here, I guess.”

“Thanks,” Louis said.

His reception did not get better as he wandered through the mall, having to walk the whole length of it to get to Yankee Candle.

_Something under $50_.

Louis rolled his eyes and ended up buying a wax warmer set up with a variety of “non-offensive” scents. He even managed to get it gift wrapped. Pleased with himself, he turned and bumped into the customer behind him.

“Sorry about th- holy shit, _Liam?_ ”

Liam smiled at him. “Thought that was you.”

“Were you stalking me?” Louis gave him a weird look as Liam nodded, clearly not ashamed.

“Spotted you and couldn’t believe the luck. How did you get down here?”

“Andrew,” Louis rolled his eyes. “The kids wanted to go to the mall and he wouldn’t let me take them myself so it’s a family affair, yay!” He was sure the sarcasm was dripping from his lips.

Liam’s face soured at that news and Louis sympathized. “Well, let me walk you back there, I guess.”

“Do you want a peak at the exchange gift?” Louis asked.

“Is that what you were buying?”

“Harry texted in a panic that he needed a gift and Yankee Candle just seemed appropriate.”

They chatted as they made their way back to the arcade, and it was nice to talk to another adult who actually enjoyed his company. They made it back to the Luigi’s Mansion game and Louis frowned when he didn’t see Andrew or the kids. He looked around, trying to see where they had gone off to.

“They were supposed to be here,” he muttered, but a part of him already knew what had happened.

Still, he kept looking around. Maybe the bathroom?

They spent fifteen minutes walking through the arcade before Louis gave up and went back into the main mall to call Harry.

“I think your fucking brother left me here,” he snapped when Harry picked up.

“What?”

“I left to get the gift, and he said he’d be waiting with the kids, but they aren’t here. I looked all over the arcade, and I can’t find them.”

“He wouldn’t…” Harry trailed off and Louis heard him sigh in acceptance. “Fucking hell.”

“ _Yeah_. The fucking asshole.” Liam cleared his throat and Louis looked at him. The anger didn’t drain out of him exactly, but it simmered. “Lucky for me, my gay guardian angel is here.”

“Uh?”

“Liam, babe,” Louis said. “He’s here. So I guess if I ask nicely he might be able to get me a ride back.”

“That would be great. _Please_ tell Liam thank you, and I will talk with Andrew when he gets back here. I’m so sorry, Louis.”

Louis hung up the phone and groaned. “I need a fucking drink before I deal with that shit show.”

Liam smirked. “I can help you with that.”

***

“Harry’s never been here?” Liam asked as they walked into a small dive bar a little under an hour later, right off the main strip of the town. “But people love coming here to gawk.” He smiled at the bartender, a busty drag queen with vibrant red hair. “Hey Maple, my usual, and the same for my friend.”

She winked at him as she turned around and came back with two bottles of beer. “Good luck,” she said winking.

“Oh, we’re not- he’s engaged to my friend.”

Louis gave a salute. “Not officially.”

“You asked him, and he said yes,” Liam pointed out, since they’d been able to cover _a lot_ in the hour ride. “Your engaged.”

“There’s no ring, there’s no engagement.”

Maple rolled her eyes and shooed them off to a table. Louis groaned as he sat down and checked his phone to see if Harry had responded to his text saying he was stopping for a drink because he deserved it.

Nothing.

“Why did you come back?” Louis asked.

“What do you mean?” Liam took a long sip of his beer, keeping eye contact with Louis as he did so.

“No offense but everyone here hates you. I’m sure where you live you don’t have to deal with that.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. I’m not exactly out to my co-workers. I don’t lie to them if they were to ask, but it definitely never comes up. But… it is nicer than here, I’ll agree to that.” Liam was quiet for a moment. “I came back for my parents, mostly. This is the first year I couldn’t get out of it. Before there was college, then med school, then residency, but now I have a big boy job and I can take vacation.”

“How are you coping?”

“You notice that I’m on first name basis with the bartender at the local gay bar even though I’ve only been here less than a week?” He winked. “I hid here the first two nights. I was late to dinner with my parents the other day, when I ran into you in the bathroom, because I got caught up here, talking to Maple.”

“Did she know about your outing?”

Liam shook his head. “She’s from New York, so no. Which was weird, because I felt like it was such a big deal, because to me it was. I’d built it all up in my head, thinking it was all people would think about, or talk about. But for everyone else it’s just… not that important. It destroyed my teenage years but for them it didn’t matter. They remember it when they can laugh about it, or be uncomfortable.”

Louis’ stomach clenched and he wished he could say something to make Liam feel better. “I know it’s bad, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t understand why Harry doesn’t just tell them. Like, he has to know it won’t be the end of the world.”

“You have to know that doesn’t matter,” Liam whispered.

“I know. But, they’re awful people. It’s not like there’s any chance in hell they’ll be supportive, considering.” He gestured to Liam.

Liam sat up. “There’s gonna be a part of him that wants desperately for them to accept him in some capacity. Think about the way his eyes focused on his mom when she said that homophobia shouldn’t be tolerated. He’s going to cling to that.”

“She was so full of shit,” Louis said. “Unable to see we were talking about her.”

“I’ve learned that a lot of people here are conditionally acceptant of gay people. Non-threatening gays are okay. A lesbian couple with some adopted kids. A celebrity. The very nice, married gay men. But they get iffy when they’re faced with people they know. You know?”

Louis hummed, and his phone buzzed.

_Please have a drink for me too. Andrew is back. He swears he thought you said you’d be fine and you had a ride._

Louis huffed. _Liar._

_I’m so sorry, Lou. I love you. Please thank Liam again for me. He’s a life saver._

“At least he’ll get to go home to you when this is all over,” Liam said.

“That’s the plan.” Louis typed back, _I love you too_.


	20. Chapter 20

Louis knew they caused a stir when he walked into the restaurant that they were having dinner at that night with Liam. Did he care that all the eyes went to the two of them?

_No_.

He may have been just a little drunk. He’d tried to pace himself with Liam, only having a couple of beers, but he still could feel some of the liquid _fucking fight me_ flowing through his veins. He looked around for Harry and spotted him seated next to Jenny at a table that was already full with the rest of his family, and hers. He traded a look with Liam who paused in looking for his own family.

“I’ll be sitting with you, I guess,” Louis said, before making his way to Harry’s table. Andrew - the fuck - didn’t even have the testicles to look up from his menu.

“Louis!” Elaine said, with a strained smile. “Glad you could make it. I see you arrived with Liam.”

“Yeah, he’s been great. Really helpful.” He bit his tongue because cursing out Andrew in front of his kids wasn’t a good move. Instead he stopped behind Harry’s chair and leaned down to whisper in his ear. “I’m angry, and I need to talk to you.”

Harry nodded and pushed his chair back. There was an awkward shuffle as he excused himself, despite minor protest from Elaine, but together they made their way outside, because Louis wasn’t going to have this out in the bathroom where people could just walk in and overhear them.

It was nippy and he felt bad that Harry hadn’t grabbed his coat.

“I’m so sorry he did that,” Harry said.

“I want to go back home,” Louis cut off any explanation he was about to continue with. “Not right this second, we can finish this dinner. But I do not want to spend my birthday here, or Christmas.”

He watched the wind get knocked out Harry’s body. “What?”

“I thought I’d be able to handle everything, but the more I thought about what happened today, and spoke with Liam, the more I just can’t.”

“Louis, I promise you, I yelled at Andrew, and told him he was a dick for leaving you there and he was lucky that Liam had been there or I would dragged him back down there myself-”

“I’m sure you did, and I appreciate it, but Harry. I’m not wanted here. You don’t want to be here. You have to know that all of this is just pushing off the inevitable.”

Harry stilled. “What do you mean?”

Louis bit his lip. Clearly he was drunker than he thought. He hadn’t meant to say that. “I didn’t mean to say that.” He rubbed his forehead. “But, Harry. They aren’t going to be okay with this. They’re gonna be…” he trailed off. Mean? Rude? Uncomfortable? What did he want to say.

“I know.”

He dropped his hand and looked at Harry. “What?”

Harry was standing there in front of him, hands balled in fists at his side, shaking. Louis had thought it was from the cold, but apparently it wasn’t. His face was red, and that wasn’t from the cold either. “I know they’re not going to accept me. I’m not _stupid_ or idealistic or something. I know I’m just pushing off the inevitable, but dammit Lou, if they’re going to kick me out of the family, then I want it to happen on my terms.”

“Then leave me with now! That’s your terms.”

“No! Those are _your_ terms. You don’t get it.” He sniffed. “You had a great mom, Zayn and Niall talk my ear off about her. She sounds like she was warm and loving, so I know you don’t get it, but _this_? Them? That’s all I knew for so long. My dad asking advice about his campaign? Fuck, Lou, this is him showing me how much he loves me. He trusts me with something he’s doing. And it’s not- I know it’s not normal, or okay, or how parents should be, but it’s all I’ve known. And I just want to hold onto it for one moment longer because I’ve been trying for so long, but I can’t turn off wanting them to love me.”

“Harry,” Louis breathed out his name. “I’m-”

“So yes, Lou. I’m aware that this can’t last. And I’m _sorry_ that you’re getting dragged through this. That’s not fair for you, and if you want to leave and go home you can. You’ve done more than enough for me.”

“Harry, I’m-”

The door to the restaurant opened and Richard stepped outside. Harry froze, and didn’t turn around to look at who it was, just carefully and subtly tried to wipe his face free of any tears.

“Harry,” Richard said, approaching them. Louis could only watch as Harry stood there and waited for Richard to put an arm on his bicep. “I need you back inside. Guttman wants to talk to you about your position with Wayne.” He glanced at Louis, and dismissed him just as quickly. “I’m very sorry for what Andrew did to you but this isn’t-”

“I’d prefer to hear it from him,” Louis snapped.

Richard looked shocked that he’d been spoken over. _Harry_ looked shocked that Louis had spoken over him. Richard collected himself quickly enough though, squaring his shoulders. Louis squared his own back. “I’m sure he’s very sorry as well-”

“Then he can come out here and say it to me. Or better yet, he can say it in front of his kids, who I’m sure he lied to about why he left.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“But I do,” Louis said, and then he strode passed them, headed for the door. “I’ll make sure to sit with Liam’s family since your table is booked up, but I _will_ be getting that apology from Andrew first.”

He kept his energy going all while he walked through the door of the restaurant, because he wasn’t going to back down now. Everyone was still sitting at the table, quiet. Keightlynne and Brayden were both distracted with books but even they looked up when he stopped behind their father.

“I understand the noise of the arcade made it difficult for you to hear me when I said I’d be right back.”

Andrew looked up at him and he looked _scared_.

_Good,_ Louis thought. _Think I’m going to cause a scene. Grovel for me not to._

“Did you? I could have swore you said you’d seen Liam and wanted to catch up with him?” He looked around the table, clearly trying to convince them that he was telling the truth. “Something about getting drinks?”

Louis crossed his arms over his chest. “I have a boyfriend. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m panting after the only gay man brave enough to come out in your prescence.”

He could see the way the sentence landed on Elaine’s face. Louis wondered if she’d believed Andrew up until this point, and thought _he_ had been the ridiculous ones. Andrew continued to look around the table for another ally. Even his own wife wasn’t looking at him. Louis wondered what it was like to be so alone.

“I guess, I misunderstood you.”

“Or you were just hoping to leave me stranded all the way out there.”

He could see the way Andrew swallowed. “I’m… sorry that you think that’s what happened.”

“I don’t think that’s what happened. That’s what did happen. You’re _very_ lucky Liam was there or else I’d be even angrier.” He clapped Andrew on the shoulder just as Richard and Harry sat back down. “Have a good meal everyone.” He flashed a smile to the table before making his way to Liam’s table.

He took out his phone as he did, sending Harry a text.

_I’m not gonna leave you here to go through this alone. We’re a team._

Louis watched as Harry checked his phone and then looked for him across the restaurant. He only had two more days. He could handle this.


	21. Chapter 21

Louis woke up to someone climbing into bed with him.

“That better not be Keightlynne or Brayden,” he grumbled as he searched around for his phone while he eyes were still closed. He’d fallen asleep on the phone with Niall, bitching about the dinner before and how much he couldn’t wait for this to be over. Niall had been sympathetic as best he could, but mostly Louis had needed to rant.

Harry snorted and pressed his naked body up against Louis’. “Just me.” Louis hummed in pleasure, settling back against his pillows. “I made sure to lock this door at the very least. Should give us some time in case someone decides to check on us.”

Louis finally opened his eyes, blinking into the dark of the room. The sun wasn’t even up yet. “What time is it?”

“Early,” Harry said as he started to press kisses against Louis’ jaw. “But it’s officially your birthday. And I wanted to celebrate.”

Louis squirmed. His neck was sensitive, and Harry knew that. Usually Harry complained when he started to get fuzzy on his jaw from not shaving for a few days, but today he seemed to be enjoying it, if the way he was rubbing his face against Louis’ neck was any indication.

“Celebrate away,” he said.

Harry made his way down Louis’ body, taking his time kissing and licking as he did. Louis closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the feeling. Harry had come a long way in the almost year they’d been together, gaining confidence in both himself, and their sexual relationship.

“Can’t believe it’s been a year,” Louis muttered, shifting his hips as Harry got level with them. He wanted to be as enticing as possible.

“Since what?” Harry sounded distracted, which made sense, he was trying to tug off Louis’ boxers.

“If you use that fucking strawberry kiwi lube on me I will kill you,” Louis warned. Harry just laughed and wrapped his lips around the tip of Louis’ dick. Louis moaned and tangled his fingers in Harry’s hair. “Much better.”

Harry popped his mouth off of him. “It’s been a year since what?” And then ducked his head back down.

“What- oh,” Louis’ brain was getting fuzzy from the way Harry’s tongue was working him. “Since we met. And you took me-” his voice stuttered a bit as Harry swirled his tongue around the head of his cock .”You took me out to lunch.”

Harry hummed and the vibration shot up through him, causing his hips to buck. He swore and clenched his fists in Harry’s curls. He didn’t want to start humping his boyfriend’s mouth, but it was a near thing. He loved the feeling of Harry sucking on him. It was a different kind of worship, something he hadn’t known he’d enjoyed until he’d been with Harry.

Harry knew how to treat him like he was the most important thing in the world. Something to be praised, and bragged about. He showed it with his words, and his actions, and his _fucking talented mouth_.

He spilled wordlessly in Harry’s mouth, thinking about how much he loved the man. He felt Harry nudged himself between his thighs as he climbed back up his body and even in his post-orgasm haze he was able to say, “I still don’t want the strawberry kiwi lube.”

Harry laughed against his ear. “Don’t worry, I ran by a CVS and bought some regular lube. Told mom and dad I just wanted a water.”

Louis’ eyes popped open and he stared at Harry for a moment. “You naughty thing.”

Harry winked at him, and then the cap of the bottle popped open. “Spread for me, birthday boy.”

Louis was more than happy to oblige.

***

Elaine had made him breakfast. Or at the very least, it looked like Allison had been coaxed into making pancakes for Keightlynne and Brayden, and there must have been extra, but Elaine was the one who put the plate down in front of him.

“Happy birthday,” she said, drawing the attention of the rest of the room.

Louis shifted in his seat, and then thought better of it. He was sore from Harry’s gift earlier. “Thank you.”

There was a silence as Elaine waited there, staring at him, and Louis didn’t know what to do. He tried to look at Harry for advice, but Harry wasn’t here yet because he’d had to sneak back into his room. Keightlynne and Brayden filled in though.

“It’s your birthday?” Brayden asked.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Keightlynne asked.

“Do you get double the presents?”

“Should we have gotten you a present?”

“Mom did we get Louis a present.”

Louis held up his hands to stop their questions. “It’s fine. I’m just happy to not be alone on my birthday.”

“Why would you be alone on your birthday?” Keightlynne asked, and Louis wondered if she just didn’t know. He couldn’t remember if the kids had been there to overhear the times he’d brought up his mom.

“Well, my mom died last year before my birthday.” From the stricken look on Allison’s face it was clearly not a topic she wanted the kids to hear, but she didn’t seem to know how to stop him. Louis kind of wished Harry would come down soon. 

“So were you alone last year?” Brayden asked.

Louis shook his head and there was Harry. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw him enter the room. “No. I actually met Harry the day before, and he offered to spend my birthday with me.”

“It’s our anniversary,” Harry said quietly, and even though the people in the room wouldn’t know how much he meant that, Louis did. And hearing Harry say it outloud made his heart pound in excitement. Harry came to stop besides Louis’ chair. “You have a smiley face on your pancakes.”

Louis looked up at him and smiled. “Your mom made them for me.”

For some reason that made Harry’s brow furrow and he looked up sharply at his mom. To her credit she didn’t wilt under his gaze, but it was obvious she knew that he knew whatever it was he knew.

“We just wanted to talk a bit about tonight’s party. It’ll be here, after all. In our home. And it’ll be a family affair, so you know, lots of kids, who can be very loud and intrusive.” Louis saw that Keightlynne and Brayden were hanging onto the words she was saying, soaking it up. He hoped that they were old enough to start digesting it, and analyzing the undertones, but he wasn’t sure. “And we were just thinking that since it’s Louis’ birthday he’d prefer to spend it-” her eyes went wide as she spun around and grabbed an envelope from the kitchen island.

She handed it to Louis and he stared at her swoopy script that read “From the Styles Family.” A glance at Harry told him he probably wasn’t going to like what was in it.

There was a festive card and inside two gift cards. Or, on closer inspection, a gift card and what appeared to be a hotel room key.

“There’s a very cute bed and breakfast that had a vacancy. We thought you might prefer to have the night to yourself, away from all the,” she waved her hand. “Cheer.”

Harry snatched both the card and its contents from Louis’ hand before he could answer. “I’m sure Louis would much prefer to be with everyone for his birthday. So this gift isn’t necessary.”

Louis had never truly witnessed Harry angry. He marveled at how flushed he was getting around his neck and his cheeks, starting to shake, trying to keep himself in check. He also wanted desperately to lay a hand on Harry’s arm and tell him it would be okay. That he could handle this.

“Louis did just say he wanted to not be alone,” Brayden whispered, clearly unsure if he should be speaking up at all. From the glare Andrew shot him, his comments were not appreciated, but they hit Harry.

“Then it’s settled. Louis will be here for tonight, and tomorrow morning, and then him and I will probably head back home,” Harry announced to the room at large.

He sat down heavily in the chair next to Louis and said nothing else for the rest of breakfast, fingers tapping away. It made it hard for Louis to eat his pancakes, but he knew he had to, considering Elaine was watching him carefully, unimpressed that her plan to get rid of him for the night was ruined.


	22. Chapter 22

Louis had to admit, it was awkward walking across the lawn and having to knock on the door to the house when he was technically a guest _of_ the house for the party. He had the exchange gift he’d bought on his and Harry’s behalf tucked under his arm, and he was dressed in the suit Harry had picked out for him. Just one more night, he reminded himself.

He was starting to recognize the people that made up the community and he knew they were recognizing him too, with the way they gave him a wide berth. That was fine. He drifted between the entertaining rooms, on the lookout for Liam. He knew Harry would be otherwise caught up with his father.

He was making a transition from one room to the other, crossing in front of the front door, when it opened without a knock, and Niall poked his head in. Louis’ eyes went wide in surprise and he looked around to see if anyone else noticed. A moment later Zayn followed him, both of them dressed sharper than he had ever seen them.

“What the hell are you two doing here?” He asked as they shut the door, Niall straightening his tie.

“We’re here to rescue you and Harry from this hell hole,” Zayn whispered.

“You sounded absolutely miserable last night on the phone,” Niall followed up. His eyes were darting around the entry away, taking it all in, when Elaine swooped in, Harry not far behind her.

“Merry Christmas! I don’t think I recognize you.” She was addressing Niall and Zayn, but she was looking right at Louis.

Niall smiled at her and extended his hand. “We’re friends of Louis and Harry. Did they forget to tell you we were coming up?”

She looked at his hand, and then between him and Zayn. “And you’re… a couple?”

Niall blinked. “Me and Zayn?” He laughed as he dropped his hand, seeming to realize she wasn’t going to shake it, and instead he threw his arm around Zayn’s shoulders. “In my dreams. Have you seen this man? Absolutely stunning. Way out of my league.”

Zayn shrugged off his arm with an eye roll. “You’re embarrassing yourself. Hey, Harry,” he said.

Elaine’s head whipped around and Louis could only imagine the look she was giving her son. Harry didn’t seem bothered as he came up to their group. “The more the merrier, right mom?” Harry said.

Louis could tell Elaine felt trapped in decorum and she decided to run with it by throwing her arms up in the air. “It’s the holidays!” She announced before turning and leaving, allowing them to be alone for just a moment.

“Did you invite them?” Harry asked Louis.

“What? No! I was just talking with Niall last night is all. I would never-”

“You both sounded miserable,” Zayn cut in. “So we’re here to rescue you guys. We’ll cause a scene, whatever you need.”

Harry sighed and looked around. “I don’t think we need that. We’ll be leaving in the morning anyway. Mom tried to bribe Louis to not even be here tonight with her fucking Pity Pancakes.”

“Pity Pancakes?”

“She always makes them whenever she’s about to drop bad news. They’re her attempt to make you out to be the bad guy if you react badly, because _poor her_ she was just doing something nice for you.” Harry sounded almost blase as he said it. He was still looking around, but he settled back on them after not finding what he was looking for. “You guys shouldn’t have come, mostly because everyone here is pretty awful. But since you’re here, I guess you can enjoy the food and free drinks.”

“I’ll introduce them to Liam,” Louis decided. “We’ll stand in the corner and be gay and bitchy together.”

Niall clapped his hands together. “Love it. Sounds like my kind of evening.”

A smile tugged on Harry’s lips and he nodded. “I think I saw him in that room,” he pointed back where Louis had been headed before he’d been stopped by Niall and Zayn appearing.

With that Harry stepped away from them, and they were left on their own to find Liam. 

Once they did it was easy to fall into a corner just the four of them, while everyone else gave them space. Introductions were smooth and Liam turned out to get on well with Niall and Zayn, drawing big laughs from both of them as they swapped stories. 

Louis would have been more than happy to stay there the rest of the night, but Harry had other plans for him.

Right as Elaine announced they’d be starting the exchange Louis felt a hand on his waist, and he was slowly guided out of the main room up the stairs towards his bedroom.

“What are you doing?” Louis asked as Harry pulled him towards his bedroom. It was eerily quiet up on this floor, with everyone downstairs.

Harry shushed him. “This is probably the last time I’m here, so I wanted to live out one little fantasy with you while I could.”

Louis couldn’t help but grin. “Sneak a boy upstairs during a family event?”

Harry was smirking when he looked back at him. “Something like that.” He pulled Louis against him as they got into his room, and gave him a kiss.

Louis enjoyed himself a moment before he had to break the kiss. “You know this doesn’t have to be the last time you’re here. You don’t have to tell them.”

Harry looked at him confused. “Of course I do.”

“But you don’t. If you think it will ruin the relationship it’s not worth-”

“It is worth it. I don’t want to live a lie. If I’m lying to them about that I’m hiding a whole part of my life. I can’t even tell them my new job because of what it entails.”

Louis was nodding, and he cupped the back of Harry’s head. “I just want you to be sure.”

Harry nodded and leaned down to kiss him again. “I am.”

“Harry, mom is looking for…” Andrew’s voice trailed off as Louis and Harry jumped apart.

They stared at each other. 

The room felt heavy, and it was only more oppressive as Harry’s breathing started to pick up.

“What’s-” Andrew started.

“It’s not what it looks like-” Louis started.

“Andrew-” Harry started.

“Holy fuck,” Andrew breathed out, the realization dawning on him.

And then before either of them could do anything he bolted.

“Shit,” Louis swore and him moving seemed to be the sigh Harry needed to take off after his brother.

Louis could see Andrew running down the stairs at the end of the hallway and he could already hear the awful things Andrew was going to say. How he’d accuse Louis of corrupting Harry.

Harry ran faster than Louis, but Andrew was already down stairs by the time they made it to the top of the stairs. Harry took the steps two at a time, calling Andrew’s name.

It was too late.

“Harry’s gay!” Andrew shouted to the entire party, right as Louis hit the bottom step.

Both him and Harry were frozen.

Everyone was staring at them.

“I just caught him and Louis kissing upstairs! He’s gay!”

Elaine and Richard were standing in the middle of the room, handing out presents. Louis noticed with everyone gathered together just how many people were there. Probably everyone Harry had ever known growing up, and then some.

“There has to be some misunderstanding,” Richard said.

“There’s _not_ dad!” Andrew was practically screaming at this point, and Louis had to wonder… “He’s gay. Who’s the perfect son now?”

It was an absolutely horrifying situation but Louis almost laughed at how desperate and pleading the grown man sounded. Jealous of his brother.

Richard was shaking his head. “That’s not right. We went over this before…” he trailed off and Louis saw the way he looked to the side. Towards Liam.

Louis looked at Liam too, Liam and Niall and Zayn, who looked just as horrified as he felt. And then Louis looked at Harry. He couldn’t see his face, but his back was stiff, even under the jacket he was wearing.

“Harry, what do you have to say for yourself?”

Louis wanted to reach for him. Support him in some way. But he didn’t know if that would truly help or not.

The room waited for Harry to say something.

“I hate you,” Harry whispered. “I think, I honestly hate you.” Andrew looked back at him, and it took Louis a moment to realize that Harry was talking to his brother. His hands clenched at his side, and Louis’ eyes darted down to them. “You couldn’t let me have this _one thing_ after what I kept quiet for you.”

And before Louis knew it, Harry was swinging.

Time stood still, mostly because Louis was shocked. _Everyone_ seemed shocked.

And then everything was moving too quick.

Andrew fell to the ground.

Harry followed after him.

Liam jumped in, pulling Harry back.

And then of course… there was the noise.

“Calm down!” Liam shouted.

“I’ll kill him! He couldn’t even keep his mouth shut for _five seconds_!”

“Everyone just calm down!” Louis saw Richard holding his arms up, trying to get people to stay seated as Elaine rushed to Andrew’s side.

Niall and Zayn joined Liam almost immediately, helping him wrangle Harry back and away from the crowd. It was enough for Louis to unglue himself from the floor and follow them outside.

“Do you have your keys?” Liam was asking. “I came with my parents. Let’s get him into his car.”

Louis didn’t know what exactly was happening but somehow Liam, Niall, and Zayn bundled him and Harry into their car with Liam at the wheel, and then they were driving, Niall and Zayn following behind them in their own car. Liam drove them in silence, the only thing filling the car was when Harry started to cry. Louis reached over and wrapped him up in his arms.

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what had happened. Well… he did, but he just… couldn’t grasp it. Understand it, or the ramifications of it. Distantly he thought about his suitcase left in the guest house. Luckily it only had the new clothes Harry had bought him anyway.

“We’re here,” Liam said. The car had stopped and Louis looked up to see they were parked in front of a diner shaped like a retro 50’s diner. “Come on, let’s get a milkshake.”

Harry had stopped crying, though he sniffed as he stumbled out of the car, clinging to Louis. The five of them made quite the party, showing up dressed up to a diner in rural Connecticut, on Christmas Eve. The waitress didn’t seem to mind, giving them a booth, and menus, and leaving them be.

“I can’t believe him,” Harry whispered. “After _everything_.”

“What happened exactly?” Zayn asked. He looked at Louis, who knew he was just staring into space, pressed up against Harry in the booth.

Harry sighed, but it came out like a half sob. “I took Louis upstairs because I wanted to give him another birthday present. I didn’t think anyone would come upstairs, and I just wanted to be… fun. And spontaneous. And then Andrew showed up and he’s always been awful but I didn’t think he would just _out me_.”

Louis rubbed his back. “He’s a shitbag, babe.”

“He’s getting a divorce,” Harry sniffed. “He told me the other day. He didn’t want my parents to find out yet because - surprise - they think divorce is an awful thing too, but he told me because _we’re brothers, Harry, and I can always lean on you_. And I kept his fucking stupid secret.”

“He sounded pretty jealous of you,” Niall said.

“He was,” Liam answered. “Harry was the golden boy. Smart, funny, not exactly popular but well liked. Andrew could never live up to it. He thought, back in high school, that Harry might get a dent from being best friends with the gay kid, but well,” his smile turned a little sharp, and sad. “Harry talked his way out of that.”

“Liam, don’t,” Harry whispered. “Not tonight.”

“Sorry. Old habits.”

Louis reached down and took Harry’s hand. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“I just can’t believe him. He _stole_ that from me.”

“Like Louis said, he’s a shitbag,” Zayn said. “But we’re here. And we love you, so you know. It will get better. Soon.”

Harry sighed. “I just want to go home.”

“We can do that too, babe,” Louis said, and pressed a kiss to his temple.


	23. Chapter 23

Someone was knocking on their door. 

They’d gotten home after midnight and immediately collapsed into bed. Harry had cried and ranted and cried some more while Louis had held him. They’d woken up tangled together and Louis had texted Zayn and Niall “thank you but we’re gonna have it be just us” before curling up around Harry.

They hadn’t planned on leaving their bedroom but someone was knocking on their door.

Louis pulled himself up and out of bed and headed to answer it.

Keightlynne and Brayden stood outside the door, with Allison right behind them.

“Merry Christmas!” The twins said together.

Louis blinked and looked from them to Allison. She gave a hesitant shrug and held up their two bags they’d ended up leaving back at Harry’s parents. “Can we come in?” She asked. “The kids wanted to make sure you got the gifts they bought for you.”

“Sure?” Louis stepped aside and let them in. “Harry isn’t… we weren’t expecting people so it’s a little messy.”

Keightlynne and Brayden made a beeline for the couch while Louis stayed rooted to his spot. Allison paused behind him.

“I heard what happened,” she whispered. “I was with the kids in the back of the house and…” she trailed off. “Yeah.”

Louis didn’t know what to say. What came out probably wasn’t appropriate. “Glad you’re divorcing that childish fucker.”

She winced. “He wasn’t always like that.”

“Maybe you just tolerated it better,” Louis said, and yeah that could have been nicer. Allison had been the least offensive person, after her children, but that was because she’d stayed away most of the time. Louis understood now why she’d done that. Playing pretend happy was probably just as tough as playing pretend platonic. “Do the kids know? About...everything?”

She sighed and looked at them, both sitting patiently on Harry and Louis’ couch. “They know we’re getting divorced. They don’t fully understand what happened last night but they know Harry and their dad … fought.”

Louis nodded just as Harry emerged from their bedroom, wide eyed. 

“Uncle Harry!” Keightlynne said.

“Merry Christmas!” Brayden cheered. He got up to give Harry a hug, and it only seemed to surprise Harry more. He at least seemed to be aware enough to hug his nephew back.

“Merry Christmas you two.”

“We brought you your presents.”

That only made Harry freeze more and Louis figured it was because the gifts he’d gotten for them were still at his parents. He hugged Brayden a bit tighter. “Thank you. You guys didn’t have to. That must have been a long drive.”

Keightlynne shrugged and grabbed hold of Harry’s hand, pulling him over to the couch.

It was a little surreal sitting there, pretending everything wasn’t completely weird, but the kids were a good distraction.


	24. Chapter 24

The phone call from Harry’s mother comes sooner than Louis ever expected. But considering he was pretty sure it was never going to come, having it come the Monday after Christmas was way too soon. They had been curled in bed after spending the weekend awkwardly with Allison and the kids, trying to find some Christmas activities around the city. 

“Mom wants to talk to me.” Harry’s voice was flat. Louis had given him privacy to speak to her on the phone so he didn’t know for sure how it had gone. All he knew was that Harry hadn’t screamed, or even raised his voice. “You too,” he continued. “In person.”

“I’m not driving back up there. We’re on vacation, and we’re taking it,” Louis said. 

“They’re here. They drove down. Just them, Andrew went back to his house to… I don’t know work on his marriage? I didn’t really pay attention.” Harry rubbed his face and he looked _tired_. He had been looking better over the weekend, with Louis there too coax him through it all.

“What’s there to talk about?” Louis asked. 

“I don’t know but. They’re here so. I guess I might as well. They want us to meet them for dinner at a restaurant. Probably so we can’t cause a scene.”

Louis sucked in a breath but when he let it out he knew he was agreeing. “Damn Allison for bringing the bag back to us. Otherwise I’d have nothing appropriate to wear.”

“You know I wouldn’t let you off that easy. But don’t worry. It’s not a dress code restaurant.” The gleam in Harry’s eyes told Louis that even if he felt knocked down he was getting back up.

***

“I quit working with Wayne in August,” Harry announced after they had placed their orders.

He was loose limbed, but it was all an act. Louis could tell. It was an act and the outfit he was wearing was his armor. He’d paired some nice jeans and a suit jacket with the shirt Niall had gotten him for pride. The one that read “but daddy I love him”. Louis was pretty sure there was still glitter embedded in the shirt.

Richard had been staring at the shirt since they had sat down, but neither him nor Elaine seemed to know how to start off the conversation for the night. Enter Harry, in his armor and his false bravado, delivering the opening line.

“But,” Richard seemed to catch himself staring at Harry’s shirt, and the almost flamboyant way he moved.

_A deliberate choice_ , Louis could only think. 

“It was such a good position,” Elaine finished for her husband.

Harry shrugged. “I wasn’t passionate about it. All my friends here are passionate about their work. So when I met Amanda and her and I began speaking-“ Elaine perked up at the name of a woman and Louis couldn’t help but snort. Did she honestly think after all this Harry was going to reveal he was seeing a woman? “Her vision for the city is just so clear. And she’s dedicated to causes I’m dedicated to. So when she offered me a job position I knew I had to apply, and then accept it.”

“I don’t understand,” Richard said. “Couldn’t you have done whatever it is you’re doing with Wayne?”

“No. I was working on things that I didn’t agree with there. Here I get to help work on actual policy I care about, and get to see the process of it being implemented.” Harry looked away from his parents to watch Louis, and he reached over on the table to take his hand. Louis swallowed but entangled their fingers together. “Louis has been so supportive through the career change. I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend.”

Louis felt both of their eyes on him but he refused to let it scare him away. He only had eyes for Harry after all. 

“And this?” Elaine asked, eyes glued to their hands. “This is all… because you moved out?”

Louis laughed. He couldn’t help himself. Leave it to her to ask that question.

“No,” Harry said. “I’ve always been gay. I just was too scared to tell you because I thought you would hate me.”

They said nothing. Not even an attempt to deny it.

Louis squeezed Harry’s hand in reassurance. He could feel the way Harry’s hand was starting to shake. The facade was dropping.

“When you said that thing about an anniversary,” Richard said instead of answering Harry.

“We met on his birthday last year,” Harry acknowledged. “At a gay bar. Where I went with the express intent-“

“That’s enough,” Richard cut him off. “I get it and you don’t need to share _that_.” He was glaring at Louis, as if this somehow was his fault.

“I didn’t want to come home and ruin your Christmas,” Harry said. “I knew you wouldn’t be okay with this so I was going to stay away. We were supposed to celebrate our anniversary over the holiday. Louis was going to propose.” He swallowed and looked down at their hands, still entwined. “I’m so happy right now, in my life. And you guys are just mad at me.”

“We’re not mad,” Elaine said slowly. “Just surprised. And confused. And… disappointed. This isn’t what we wanted for you.”

Harry was the one who laughed now. “What? That I’m happy? That I have a supportive partner? That I’m working a job I like, building a career behind the scenes for politics that I care about? Like housing equality? Or equal education?”

“But what about a future? Wayne’s job has stability-“

“Rosa Delauro is almost 80. She’s being a congresswoman for nearly 30 years. Amanda is just getting started and the 10 year plan involves starting an exploratory Congress run in two elections. Working on her staff - which I believe in - will provide me stability.”

“What about children?” 

“We can adopt,” Louis cut in, because he’d stayed quiet for too long and this part at least involved him. “We’ve talked about it vaguely. We’ve been focused on setting ourselves up career wise. The center takes up a lot of my time, and Harry works long hours, so it’s not something we can do immediately. But children are something we’ve talked about.”

She seemed stumped by that. 

The silence stretched long enough for their meals to be dropped off, but no one began to eat.

Richard was the first to reach for his fork. “I don’t know what you want from us with this, Harry. Your behavior was absolutely uncalled for. Who knows if Andrew will ever be able to forgive you.”

“Him forgive me! I’m the one who won’t forgive him!” Harry snapped, and he dropped Louis’ hand to point a finger at his father. “I did nothing wrong!”

“You hit your brother in front of all our guests.”

“He outted me!”

“That doesn’t warrant your reaction.”

“Yes it does!” Harry and Louis said at the same time, startling Richard into silence.

Harry took a deep breath to reign himself in. “The decision to come out is mine and mine alone. Andrew took that from me. And he took that from me because he wanted to hurt me. I was completely justified in hurting him back.”

“That’s not how you are supposed to handle things!” Richard snapped back. “You are better than that.”

“I don’t need to be. Not when it comes to this.”

“You embarrassed us,” Elaine tried to start. 

“Did you have this conversation with Andrew? Because he’s the one who embarrassed you. He’s the one in the wrong here.” Harry looked his mother in the eye. “I did nothing wrong.” With that he pushed back his chair and stood up. “I think we’re done here.”

“Sit back down,” Richard demanded. 

“Not unless you’ve drastically changed your opinion on who was right in this situation.”

Louis stood up, ready to walk out there with Harry. 

“We want to still love you.”

And that? That might have been what broke Harry. Louis went to him immediately, because he could. He wrapped an arm around him.

“We want to still love you so please help us love you.”

Harry sniffed. “You shouldn’t… loving your child shouldn’t be something you need help with. Not when you think them being gay and being happy is cause to … stop loving me.”

Louis gave him a tighter hug as Elaine seemed to realize how much speaking the truth had ruined everything.

“That isn’t…”

“I think we’re done for tonight,” Louis said. He would take control of this situation. He would make sure Harry was protected. Even if it was from his own parents.

As he was guiding Harry out of the restaurant he heard him whisper, “they said they want to love me, but they don’t know how to if I’m gay.”

“I know, baby. I know. But I love you. And that’s not going to change.”

Harry nodded, but he was still crying, and Louis wished so desperately that he could somehow make the pain go away.


	25. Chapter 25

“It’s fucking freezing up here,” Niall complained as the five of them stood up on the roof of Zayn’s apartment.

Liam had joined them for their New Year’s party, making the trip down for the weekend. Louis had a sneaking suspicion that he was staying with either Niall or Zayn but he couldn’t tell which one and him and Harry had ended up making a bet. He’d taken Zayn; Harry had taken Niall. 

They’d had a nice party, small with just them, and had gone up to the roof to watch the fireworks that were going to go off.

“Lemme warm you up, babe,” Zayn said, and then he tossed Liam in Niall’s direction, forcing the man to snuggle into both of them. 

(This was not helping the bet.)

Harry stood off to the side, staring at his phone, and Louis went to him with a glass of champagne. “Everything alright?”

Harry clicked his phone on and off, showing the Lock Screen photo of the two of them for a flash. “Mom’s been texting me. Trying to… I don’t even know.”

“Reconcile?” Louis asked. He leaned against the wall beside Harry, looking down on the street. “Manipulate you into being straight?”

“Maybe? She keeps asking questions and I just,” Harry clicked his phone on again and handed it to Louis. “Scroll.”

Louis felt a little invasive scrolling through his texts with his mom but there wasn’t much else he could do.

It started with Elaine just asking a few questions and Harry not replying, until he finally sent a photo, one of the four of them at pride. Clearly Harry had decided to go strong out the gate with the shock value.

Elaine had been unperturbed. 

_When did you have long hair?_

_I grew it out all year. I cut it before coming home because I knew you and dad and Andrew would be assholes about it_

_Language, Harry!_

The next text was sent the next day.

_You look like you had fun_

Harry had replied with a selfie he’d taken with Louis at some point. 

_You need to talk to me at some point. You can’t keep being childish_

Harry hadn’t replied.

She texted him again. 

_Why did you quit Wayne’s job? He did you a favor_

_He didn’t seem upset when I quit. He even threw me a going away party._

_You should stay at jobs for at least five years to see what advances you can make before leaving. It shows stability_

And then earlier today. 

_Harry. You need to speak with me. And Andrew. You’re doing horrible things to this family by acting this way._

“I don’t get her,” Harry whispered. “Sometimes it seems like she might be trying to understand me but then she switches. And I know how awful she can be, how manipulative and petty. She wants things to go exactly like how she wants and she’s going to force you into it one way or another.”

“It feels like she’s buttering you up.”

“She wants me to apologize to Andrew. I’m at the point where I don’t want to see him ever again.”

“I don’t blame you for that.”

Harry sighed as he leaned against Louis’ shoulder. “I just don’t want to go into the new year filled with regrets or something.” He was quiet for a moment and then, “I still want them to love me. But I want them to love me for me. Is that wrong?”

“I don’t think so.” Louis wrapped an arm around him and kissed the top of his head. “You don’t need to make the choice now, no matter how much it might feel like you do.”

“I want to make the choice now because I want this to be over.”

“And I get that, but you said you don’t want to be filled with regrets and I think rushing this would leave you filled with regrets.”

Harry huffed. “Why do you have to be reasonable?”

“It’s a tough crown to wear but someone has to.”

Harry clicked his phone on and opened the camera. The picture he took of them turned out grainy in the dark but they were both smiling. Louis wasn’t surprised that Harry sent it to his mom.

_Happy New Year. Maybe next time you’re in town you can come to Louis’ work and he can give you some pamphlets on being a good ally parent_

Harry put his phone away and snuggled closer to Louis. The fireworks were due to start soon. 

“I’m proud of you,” Louis whispered.

“You made me this brave,” Harry whispered back.

“I’m not doing anything special. I’m just trying to get by each day.”

“But you do it with such dignity. Grace. Whatever it is.” Louis snorted. “I really admire you.”

Louis wasn’t expecting that. Harry sounded so genuine and honest. He just squeezed him tighter. “Thanks.”

The first firework shot off, filling the sky with white light. Niall let out a whoop of delight which was covered by the pop that followed a moment later.

Louis looked away from the firework and pressed his mouth to Harry’s ear. “Everything is going to be okay. I love you.”

Harry turned and smiled at him. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you're enjoying this feel free to leave kudos, a comment, or [reblog the tumblr post](https://sadaveniren.tumblr.com/post/636323114132848640/the-happiest-season-by-sadaveniren-youre-going)


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